To Aru Super SS
by rubix22
Summary: If there was ever a fanfiction about a doujin artist's take of a To Aru Majutsu 4koma, this might be it. Discretion: may contain spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

New Testament Synopsis Taken from BakaTsuki:

The Third World War that final member of the Roman Catholic Church's secret organization God's Right Seat Fianma sparked off from Russia has been ended by the efforts of Kamijyo Touma. With that, he vanished. This is a world where Kamijyo Touma does not exist.

**You Shall Be Missed**

After the disappearance of Kamijou Touma, the spot of main protagonist was left open in the To Aru Majutsu universe. So then the next course of action was naturally...

Hamazura Shiage walks out with a determined look in his eyes. Clenching his right fist, he raises it up to eye level. And then suddenly, as if his life depended on it, he boldly declares,

"I'll shatter that illusion!"

...

"'Poor', MISAKA says as she holds up a sign that says 4.0"

"'Terrible', MISAKA says holding up a sign that says 3.5"

"'Average at best, MISAKA says defiantly holding up a sign that says 5.0"

As this happens, Takitsubo Rikou, observing Hamazura's performance from the sidelines, quietly makes her opinion known.

"Don't hurt his feelings...!"

**He's Waited His Whole Life for This...**

As the three MISAKA sisters scurried to prepare their next consultation, a white-haired boy walks in.

"What the hell is this? That shitty brat tells me to come here immediately, but..."

Pointing at the three clones, he yells.

"Is this supposed to be an interview? Fuck this! As if I'd really care who becomes the new main protagonist! Unless there are bodies flying, don't call me out, got it!"

"'If you do not wish to participate, you are free to go', MISAKA says conveying the obvious."

Accelerator paused.

"Well... since I'm here, I might as well-"

"'Then go on, we're ready for your lines' MISAKA says tilting her head."

"W-Wait...I need to moment."

**Everyday, In Front Of A Mirror...**

"I'll destroy that illusion!"

Accelerator says, holding out his right hand.

…

The three MISAKA sisters huddled up into a group. After much debate, one on the sisters speaks out to Accelerator.

"'MISAKA thinks you've spent a lot of time practicing for this, have you not?' MISAKA asks with an almost pitying express-"

"I have not!"

**The Original**

To the surprise of the three MISAKA sisters, Kamijou Touma walks in next.

"..."

Glancing at one another, the three sister silently discussed the trouble with the current situation. One sister held up a 'thumbs-up' and another nodded her head in agreement.

"'Go on, but don't expect any preferential treatment' MISAKA says wagging her finger sternly."

"Uh, yeah, right..."

**Don't Force It**

"That screwed up illusion of yours... I'll kill it!"

Kamijou proudly holds up his Imagine Breaker and says his iconic line.

…

The three MISAKA sisters gather once again to briefly discuss. Disbanding, they raise their scores.

"'Adequate,' MISAKA says as she holds up a sign that says 5.0"

"'Meh,' MISAKA says holding up a sign that says 4.5"

"'Good, but it seems like you're trying too hard,' MISAKA says soundly while holding up a sign that says 6.0"

"Eh?"

**A Sad Future**

Kamijou Touma was jobless. Well, technically he should be dead, but let's not fool ourselves about that.

From this moment on, he would not appear in any novels until the author green-lights his return. This could mean a major absence spanning at least one novelizations. At worst, he'd make an appearance at the very end of New Testament.

That said, what in the world would Kamijou Touma do until that time?

Standing up, Kamijou Touma made a declaration.

"I will...finish school!"

"And then after that I'll... go to a decent college!"

"And after that I'll... find a job with a moderately satisfying salary!"

It was then that the savior of the world fell into despair.

**Just Give In**

"Yo."

Kamijou Touma appears before Misaka Mikoto.

"Oh, so you've finally come to settle our little fight, huh?"

Misaka Mikoto seemed genuinely excited by this development; however...

"No. Actually, since I have some free time, I was wanting to ask if I could somehow appear more often in Railgun."

Apparently, this Kamijou Touma does not realize the shame of leeching off of other people's success.

"Hmm? Well, I'm not so heartless to leave you out in the cold, so..."

Misaka Mikoto pointed a finger towards the unlucky boy.

"Fight me and I'll consider it!"

"Are you even listening?"

"Come at me! I'm ready at any time!"

**Mister...Tonkotsu, Was It?**

Saten Ruiko and Uiharu Kazari were casually walking down a street when suddenly a group of thugs surrounded them.

"Eh? What's with this development?"

As Uiharu cried out in confusion, Kamijou Touma sprang into action and appeared before the two girls.

"Oi oi, you two go on ahead. I'll take care of this. After all, supporting characters have to support each other as well."

"Ah! It's...!"

"..."

Uiharu struggled.

"Who are you?"

Once again, Kamijou Touma fell into despair.

**Level Upper Does Not Enhance Your XXX**

"Have you guys no shame?"

Kamijou Touma pointed towards Uiharu and proclaims.

"She is obviously in middle school!"

He then points at Saten.

"And this girl...is in middle school too!"

To the relief of Kamijou Touma, Saten Ruiko agreed with his proclamation.

"Yeah, that's right."

'_Thank you so much for playing along!'_

**A Nice, Gentle Man**

After things got taken care of, the three supporting characters chatted with one another.

"Ah, so you got replaced! Just like how characters in dramas get replaced because the actors who portray them turn out to be bad role-models!"

Kamijou Touma felt a sharp sting pierce through his chest.

"That seems a little..."

Saten seemed to notice the harshness of Uiharu's words.

"It makes me wonder though. What kind of person could replace you?"

"I'd imagine it'd have to be someone really nice and gentle."

Saten reasoned.

Meanwhile, Accelerator was having fun.

"I'll destroy that illusion! In fact, I'll destroy everything! HAHAHAHA!"

**Fukou Da**

"Such misfortune..."

As Accelerator walks down a one-way street, a missle flies by his head and crashes into a nearby building.

"Such misfortune..."

Helicopters and tanks start gathering around Accelerator as he approaches.

Accelerator smiles. There was going to be blood.

"Such misfortune... I love it."

**Spoilers! At Your Own Discretion!**

Kamijou Touma was sitting patiently. There was no doubt in his mind that he would have a triumphant return. Though, until that time, he would have to wait.

Fans of the series would have to cope with a temporary hero for now, but Kamijou Touma was certain that whoever would fill his shoes, he would do a good job of it.

At this time, New Testament appeared before Kamijou Touma.

"..."

Flipping to the end of the novel, tears suddenly started to stream down his face.

"Thank god."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Since people liked the first chapter, I've made another. This time, it's about half the length and has less fourth wall breaking.

**He Has A Name**

Approaching the frog-faced doctor, Accelerator states:

"Hey you, the battery life on this shitty collar sucks. Make it last longer."

In response, the doctor casually replies,

"As the man who has saved you from being a vegetable, you should at least show some gratitude."

Accelerator flinched.

"Old man, the battery life on this shitty collar sucks. Make it last longer."

**It's Rechargeable**

An improved collar for Accelerator is showcased!

"I've installed a hollow copper coil with a magnet inside. If you manually apply kinetic energy to the magnet, a small pulse of electricity is created that in turn recharges the collar."

The frog-faced doctor went a bit further with his explanation.

"If used correctly, it's possible for Esper Mode to continually exist for a few hours."

"...and how do I 'manually apply kinetic energy'?"

Accelerator questioned.

"You jump. Up and down. Try it."

**Tethering**

A new collar for Accelerator is showcased!

"With this upgrade, you should be able to connect with the MISAKA Network directly for faster calculations and more reliable data transmissions. "

The frog-faced doctor went further with his explanation.

"This should also increase the duration of Esper Mode by tenfold as well as increase the power of your abilities by more or less 30%. While you may not be as powerful as you were originally, it's still quite an improvementt."

"..."

Last Order happily held on to the leash that was attached to Accelerator's neck.

"Don't fuck with me!"

**Don't Waste It**

The invasion of Academy City had begun, and with Vento's appearance, many civilians were passing out without warning. That said...

"I can feel it! Hyouka is... Hyouka is...!"

Index was running through the streets when suddenly something caught her eye.

"...!"

Looking through the window of a local restaurant, she saw an unconscious girl sitting in front of an ice cream sundae.

"Chance!"

**It's A Movie Reference, Damn It**

"I've got to save Kazakiri!"

Kamijou Touma was rushing to the site where Kazakiri Hyouka was located.

"...!"

With bright lights springing from her back and a halo manifesting over her head, Kazakiri had seemingly become an angel. Kamijou fell to his knees and yelled:

"TETSUOOOOOOO!"

Appearing from behind Kamijou, Vento screamed,

"That's not funny!"

**A Brother's Love**

As Vento's brother lied on the operating table, he said to the doctors,

"Please... save my sister."

He then made another statement.

"And also tell her... she looks good... in her school swimsuit."

In the present, Vento was ranting at Kamijou Touma.

"I hate doctors! They're all perverts! Every single one of them!"

'_That's got nothing to do with anything!'_

**Juicing Up**

Facing Kihara Amata, Accelerator let out the boiling rage that he suppressed from inside.

"KiiiihaaaaraaaAAAAA-!"

And then suddenly, a beeping noise emitted from his collar.

"Huh? Already?"

With that, Accelerator promptly started hopping in place.

"...exactly, what-"

"Shut the fuck up."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is a bit longer than the last chapter. I may have went a bit overboard with the 'elevator arc'. It was fun to imagine though. Also, as a side comment to novel readers, Worst is probably the best thing to happen to the To Aru series since Biri-Biri. Worst is gold.

***uigi Knows How To Use Vectors Too**

"Tou-san, let's play some *ario Kart."

Misaka WORST says while holding up a game controller. The two started playing for a bit.

In the end, a "You Lose" tag popped up on WORST's side of the screen.

"Tch. Of course you would use vectors to win."

"It's called a star."

**One Too Many**

Last Order was pouting, which led to Misaka WORST to apathetically ask,

"Something wrong?"

"'Misaka Misaka was made fun of,' says Misaka as Misaka throws a tantrum."

"And exactly what did they say."

"'She said, 'It's redundant to say 'Misaka Misaka',' says Misaka,' says Misaka as Misaka remembers."

"'And then Misaka Misaka was imitated and she said, '''Misaka Misaka is redundant,' says Misaka as Misaka imitates,' says Misaka' says Misaka as Misaka tells you exactly what she said."

WORST flinched.

**Conceptual Parents**

Two Misaka sisters sat on a bench. One sister says,

"'Recently, the concept of 'parents' has been explained to me,' Misaka says, starting up a conversation."

She continued.

"'After some processing, it would be reasonable to classify onee-sama as a 'mother' type person; however, Misaka is having trouble figuring out who best classifies as 'father', Misaka says as she relays her recent struggles."

"'How about 'that boy'?' Misaka suggests while pounding a fist in her palm."

The image of 'that spiky-haired boy' appeared in both their minds.

"'He's more like a nosy neighbor than a 'father' type person' Misaka rejects outright."

The image manages to say 'fukou da!' before being erased out of existence.

"'Also, Misaka feels that Misaka would 'lose' if Misaka accepts that idea,' Misaka explains."

**Tou-san**

The two Misaka sisters were still engaged in conversation on the bench.

"'If not 'him', is there anyone else who qualifies?' Misaka asks."

"..."

At another place and time...

"You shitty brat! I swear I'll rip your head off!"

"'If you can catch me!' says Misaka as Misaka makes a clean getaway."

Back at the bench...

"'Did you think of someone?' Misaka inquires."

"Nope."

**20000**

This is Misaka 20000.

"'Nice to meet you,' Misaka says as she takes a bow."

Comparing the 'Level 6 Shift' project to an RPG, one could call her the final boss...

And even thinking about that number! 20000! You'd think that she must be extremely powerful!

"'There's really nothing special about me...' Misaka apologizes."

But in fact...! She is actually the mid-boss!

"'Eh? Did my worth suddenly go down?' Misaka stammers."

Misaka WORST suddenly appears behind her.

"You're adventure has only begun!"

**Elevator Ride From Hell**

After doing various things, Misaka 20000 was riding down an elevator. Before the doors could close, she heard someone say,

"Waaait!"

Misaka Mikoto got inside just in time. She sighed and said,

"Thanks for holding the elevator for me. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't."

"'You would've had to wait two to three minutes for the elevator to come back up,' Misaka replies."

"..."

They started going down the elevator in complete silence. Misaka Mikoto felt like dying.

"..."

**Heavy Atmosphere**

The Misaka Mikoto and the Misaka sister were still riding down the elevator.

"..."

"..."

"If you need any advice from you're onee-san, I'd be happ-"

"'Misaka currently does not need advice,' Misaka answers."

'_At least give me a chance..!'_

**Worst Case Scenerio**

Still inside the elevator, Misaka Mikoto was thinking to herself.

'_I can't leave things as they are! I have to say something that will leave a positive impression!'_

The elevator stopped.

"Eh?"

The doors opened and Misaka WORST and Last Order walked inside.

"..."

'_WHAAA...?'_

**Older Sister**

'_Wait, calm down. Though they may look a little different, these guys are just more sisters based off of my own DNA...off of my own DNA...'_

"..."

"...!"

Misaka Mikoto's glance shifted to a region of Misaka WORST's body that seemed different from herself.

'_I'm still the older sister, right? I'm definitely the older sister, right? Right?'_

**Acknowledgement**

'_Just who are these people?'_

As Misaka Mikoto was thinking, Last Order turned her head back to look at her.

"..."

However, Misaka WORST turned her head back to the front.

"Don't stare."

'_I'm being ignored...?'_

**A Whole New Level...**

'_That's it! I have to say something! I've got to make my presence known!'_

As Misaka Mikoto was pumping herself up, the elevator stopped.

"Eh?"

The doors opened and Accelerator hobbled in.

"..."

'_Why is this happening to meeee...?'_

**Commando Accelerator**

While Misaka Mikoto was mentally breaking down in the back of the elevator, Accelerator started to make small talk.

"Hey you, what's you're serial number?"

"'...20000', Misaka replies."

"Oh, is that so..."

Accelerator then went and said the following with a sick smile:

"You know how I was supposed to kill you last?"

The sister nodded.

"Tree diagram _lied_."

"'You're making Misaka feel uncomfortable,' Misaka says backing away."

**Going Up**

Once hitting ground floor, Accelerator, Misaka WORST, and Last Order went on their way home. Before leaving as well, Misaka 20000 noticed something.

"'Are you feeling okay?' Misaka inquires."

"..."

Misaka Mikoto had her head leaned up against the wall of the elevator. It seemed like she was staring off into space.

"I'm fine, I think I just need to-"

Before she could finish her sentence, the elevator doors closed up.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Another short chapter this time. The jokes are a bit more centered around New Testament...kind of.

**Experience**

Two Misaka sisters were sitting on a bench. One of them speaks up.

"Before tree diagram was destroyed, it predicted that a level 5 esper could level up by defeating a level 3 esper 20,000 times, Misaka states."

"'Isn't this common knowledge to all sisters?' Misaka asks rhetorically."

"'However,' Misaka exclaims, 'taking that information into account, wouldn't it be possible for a level 0 esper to level up by flipping the skirt of a level 1 esper 200,000 times?'"

Shocking!

"...it could be possible, Misaka answers doubtfully."

At another place and time...

A certain "someone" suddenly felt a rush.

"Uiharu! Somehow I feel stronger!"

**He Did**

The sinister-looking Misaka Worst and Accelerator were out grocery shopping.

"Hey! Hey! Mr. Honor Student!"

"Don't call me that."

"Let's get this!"

Misaka Worst held up a jar of cherries.

"..."

For a split-second, Accelerator paused, but then said,

"No."

Worst went on the offensive.

"Hmm? Just now, did you just have a dirty thought?"

"I didn't."

"Misaka thinks you're cute when you're not being honest."

"Don't make me repeat myself."

**Worse, Worser**

The strap on Misaka Worst's sandal snapped.

"...how inconvenient."

Turning to Accelerator, she said with a devious smile,

"Hey, Cherry-kun, give me a piggy back ride."

"No."

"Hmm? Does that mean you'll carry Misaka bride-style?"

"I didn't agree to do anything."

**A Soft Warm Feeling**

Accelerator was carrying Misaka Worst on his back as they made their way home. Needless to say, he currently had esper mode on.

"..."

Worst put her lips next to Accelerator's ear.

"Say, say, how do they feel?"

One moment later, Accelerator was walking with his cane again, and a few meters back, Misaka Worst was smashed head first into the pavement.

**Call Quality**

Mugino Shizuri was thinking.

'_I should probably get her some flowers...'_

With that thought, she called up her colleague.

"Say, did Frenda have a favorite type of flower?"

On the other line...

"Favorite? That'd super have to be mackerel, wouldn't it?"

"..."

Mugino Shizuri went to the fish market that day.

**Change**

Mugino Shizuri was speaking in front of Frenda's grave. On the ground was a bouquet of fish.

"I went to Russia and I came back to Academy City. So yeah..."

"A lot of things have changed..."

"..."

"Well, except for Hamazura. I mean, seriously, like 'eww'."

Hamazura Shiage, who was sitting on a bench just outside where Mugino was, suddenly felt a sting.

**Size**

Mugina Shizuri and Kinuhata Saiai were conversing by phone. Kinuhata made a side comment,

"Yanderes can be super scary."

"Kinuhata, I can see the things around you. Could you grab that thick thing over there and shove it up your ass?"

"..."

"..."

"...I'm super not interested, so no thank you. Anyway..."

'_Don't pause! Don't pause like that!'_

**The Strongest**

Two Misaka sisters were sitting on a bench. One of them speaks up.

"If we were to compare the people in Academy City to *okemon, wouldn't the strongest esper..."

"Actually be a *obbuffett! Misaka exclaims."

Shocking!

"That's actually a pretty accurate comparison, Misaka answers."

In another time and place...

"Hey, what's wrong? Misaka asks as Misaka waves her arms around."

A certain "strongest" had suddenly slunk into a depression.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Longer chapter this time. The first three are somewhat based on New Testament. The rest are uh... well, you'll see... Enjoy!

**Mute Button**

For various reasons, Hamazura Shiage and Accelerator were in a car, driving on the highway. They drove in complete silence.

"..."

"..."

"...so the other day, I was at the convenience store-"

Accelerator flipped the switch on his neck to avoid listening to the level 0.

**Tangent**

While still in the car, Accelerator saw a tunnel ahead. Seeing as the Misaka Network would produce unstable signals while inside of it, he decided to turn off the controller on his neck.

Click.

"...so a real breast lover loves both small and big ones. And the ones he loves the most belong to the person he loves, right? You get what I'm saying?"

And then he flipped the switch back on.

**Hamadurarara!**

For various reasons, Hamazuri Shiage was riding the Dragon Rider, a vehicle that could only be ridden while wearing a special suit. This suit would connect to the wearers mind to download information and other necessary protocols.

Inside Hamazura's mind, a stream of data was passing:

Creating space for Dragon Rider.

Scanning available space.

Deleting segment of memory dedicated to the recollection of porn.

"...! Damn it, something important just got removed! I don't remember what, but...! Fuck!"

**Yeah, It's This Type Of Scenerio**

Kamijou Touma was floating in an abyss of white space.

"Yo, Kami-yan~!"

A disembodied voice was suddenly speaking to him.

"Huh? Tsuchimikado! Is that you? Where am I? What happened? Is this the work of magicians? Did World War IV already start?"

"Nope, this is just a dream."

...

"Well, now that's just half-assed."

**Inception**

"Okay, I understand now. It's a dream. I just gotta wake myself up, right?"

Kamijou Touma was currently pinching his cheeks as hard as he could.

"Actually, you can't."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"It's not your dream."

"..."

Kamijou was at a loss about what that last statement meant.

"Then I'll go to sleep."

"It doesn't work like that."

**The True Culprit**

In the middle of the night, a disorientated Index opened her eyes.

"..."

She yawned and then pulled the covers back over herself.

Kamijou appeared in the white abyss again..

"What the heck was that?"

"Well you didn't believe me, so..."

**And Then Suddenly A Battle**

Kamijou Touma was now at a battle-like area that kind of resembled a tennis court.

Across the field, a man floating upside-down inside a tube called out:

"Come forth, Meltdowner."

Mugino Shizuri suddenly appeared on the field.

"..."

Kamijou stared off for a brief moment, and then yelled,

"That guy's gonna get a headache!"

"Eh? Is that the part that most concerns you, Kami-yan?"

**Undesirable**

"Look, I really don't get what's happening, but I'll go with the flow if that's what it takes to wake up Index."

Kamijou Touma pointed forward.

"So go! Whoever's first on my team!"

Hamazura Shiage appeared on the field. The two briefly stared at one another.

"..."

Kamijou then turned his head away in misfortune.

"What? Is there something wrong?"

**True Power**

Mugino Shizuri slowly crept behind Hamazura Shiage.

"Hamazuraaaaaa~!"

"Oh shit."

Kamijou Touma spoke out to the level 0.

"Don't falter! Now's your chance to prove yourself! This is your time to cement the fact that you're not some random side character, but a hero! Show em' your true power!"

"...!"

By the time Kamijou stopped speaking, Hamazura Shiage was missing on the battlefield. He had left and Mugino was giving chase.

"This is my true power!"

**Action**

Kamijou Touma stared off into the field.

"..."

Aleister did the same.

"..."

No one was there.

Thus, in conclusion, the disembodied voice said,

"For now, let's just call this a draw."

**Next In Line**

Aleister called out the strongest level 5 to battle.

"Proceed, Accelerator."

Kamijou Touma responded by yelling,

"Go! Next person on my team!"

Kamijou Touma disappeared from his place outside the ring and appeared inside.

"..."

Accelerator cracked his knuckles.

"Whyyyy?"

**It's Embarrassing**

"I've been waiting a long time for this."

Accelerator clenched his fist and yelled,

"Grit your teeth weakling, my strongest punch..."

"Might shake you up a bit!"

"..."

Kamijou Touma looked away and quietly said something to himself.

"...that line, it's a bit embarrassing."

"Oi! Pay attention to me damn it!"

**One-Hit Combo**

"Don't act so cocky, punk! I'll rip you ap-"

Before he could finish, Kamijou Touma's fist caved into his skull, throwing him off his feet and into the ground. He didn't get back up.

"..."

"Jesus, Kami-yan, you could have at least let him finish talking."

"Shut up. I just want to get this over with."

Aleister looked on.

"Tch. I should've leveled him up more."

**Screw It, It's Not Worth It Anymore**

Aleister called up the next level 5.

"Proceed, Railgun"

"...!"

Kamijou Touma had disappeared from the battlefield. And Misaka Mikoto was naturally giving chase as he ran off.

"Fight me, damn it!"

"I already get enough of this in real life!"

**The True True Culprit**

Aleister was alone.

"..."

"..."

"Looks like it's my win. My plan proceeded perfectly."

Kamijou Touma woke up in a cold sweat.

"Like hell it did!"

**The True True True Culprit**

Kamijou Touma had woken up in a hospital bed.

"So it was my dream after all?"

"Ah, Kamijou. You're awake."

The frog-faced doctor arrived.

"While you were unconscious, I've taken the liberty of surgically removing your left hand and replacing it with another right hand, seeing as your Imagine Breaker only affects your right hand."

"What...!"

"Technically, you won't need a doctor anymore since... no matter what, you're always 'all right'."

Stiyl Magnus woke up in a cold sweat.

"That's a stupid joke!"

"Rather, it was actually my dream? No, more like, is it really okay to end this segment like this...! And why was I given such a small part?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Another short chapter. Another emphasis on New Testament. Next chapter's probably going to focus on Worst and Accelerator, but for now, enjoy!

**Wake Up! The Hero!**

In order to ride the Dragon Rider, the maintenance worker was helping Hamazura Shiage put on the suit.

"In order to put on the suit, you have to do the following. Watch closely."

Hamazura and the worker's movements synchronized.

While in a fighting stance, both of them raised their right arm straight into the air.

"Hen-!"

...and then dramatically, they posed with their left forearms perpendicular with their torsos and right fists near their abdomens.

"-shin!"

**Black RX**

After a few events involving the Dragon Rider, Hattori Hanzou rushed up to Hamazura Shiage, who was still wearing the rider suit.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But this suit is friggin' hot. Help me take it off."

Hamazura started to pull on his collar for some ventilation.

"Sure, but first..."

With a sense of excitement, Hattori says,

"I want to see you do a kick! And use both feet!"

"Why?"

**The Impossible Task**

After various events, Accelerator watched as Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage started talking with each other. He then remembered the complications that had arisen when he couldn't contact Hamazura. Misaka Worst's voice came to mind.

'_Ehhhh? Wouldn't it be faster to directly ask that guy? Whaaat? You haven't exchanged numbers? Tch, how useless. Soooo useless...'_

Accelerator brought out his cellphone.

"..."

And in a sudden realization,

'_Wait... this situation is...!'_

**Scenario #1**

Accelerator was thinking.

'_Hey, hey. There's no reason why I can't do this. If I just ask, surely...'_

In Accelerator's mind, an imaginary Accelerator hobbled over to an imaginary Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage.

"How about we exchange numbers?"

The imaginary Kamijou and Hamazura grew in size.

"Ehhhh? What's with you being so buddy-buddy all of a sudden? I don't remember us being friends."

"You're not even a level 0 like _us_. Why would we want to hang out with _you_?"

In the real world...

"..."

The idea was scrapped.

**Scenerio #2**

An imaginary Accelerator was speaking with an imaginary Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage.

"What a pain. You know, this situation could've gone _way _smoother if we had some method of contacting one another."

The imaginary Kamijou Touma agreed,

"Yeah, you're right Accelerator, how about we all exchange numbers?"

The imaginary Accelerator responded,

"Tch. It can't be helped. I suppose I'll lend you my number."

In the real world...

'_Hahaha! Success!'_

**Abort! Abort!**

"..."

Accelerator was lingering behind Hamazura Shiage as he was conversing with Kamijou Touma. He had his phone out and was preparing to say something. Hamazura took notice of the level 5.

"Huh? Did you want to exchange phone numbers?"

"Ehhhh? As if I'd want to exchange numbers with some dipshit like you! I was just looking through some texts!"

"Ah, is that so..."

Later at Yomikawa Aiho's apartment...

Accelerator was sulking.

"Oi, Tou-san, you're looking stupider than usual."

"Shut up..."

**Frenda and Fremea**

"Hey, it's been awhile since we've basically talked."

Frenda Seivelun was talking to someone on her cellphone. A voice replied,

"...essentially, I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask? Ask away! I'll definitely answer any question you have with complete and utter honesty! Remember, Frenda is basically your friend-da!"

"..."

Click.

"_Huh?"_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Mostly a Worst and Accelerator chapter. Hope you guys enjoy!

**A Note On Character Popularity**

Going by *ono Light Novel ga Sugoi! rankings, the most popular light novel male character is Kamijou Touma.

"Well, this may be a little late, but I'd like to thank everyone who's supported me..."

The number two position belongs to Accelerator.

"Tch, as if I care about my popularity."

And...

"..."

Hamazura Shiage was sulking in a corner.

"Oi, number 11. Don't you have something to say?"

"It's not my fault! Shizuo's just so damn scary!"

**Who Is Misaka Worst?**

Yomikawa Aiho was setting up some ground rules.

"You two! Pay attention! It's time for some guidance counseling!"

Accelerator and Misaka Worst were both sitting on the ground.

"Being young and healthy, it's natural to have certain urges..."

"But it's important to suppress those urges...!"

"That said..."

"You! Don't attack Accelerator! And Accelerator! Don't leave yourself so vulnerable!"

Worst nudged Accelerator.

"Looks like I'm the dominant one, huh?"

"..."

**Worst Is Best!**

Last Order seemed to be bugging the sinister-looking Misaka Worst.

"'Say, say, why do you call him 'tou-san'?' Misaka asks as Misaka pulls on your dress."

'Him' of course referred to Accelerator.

"Hmm? You don't know? It's a pet name, a pet name!"

She continued the explanation with a slick smile.

"It's natural to give the people you care about nicknames, isn't it?"

"'Ohh! Misaka wants to give him a pet name too!' Misaka says as Misaka starts getting excited."

"In that case, how about calling him *****-chan?"

A little while later, Worst heard Accelerator calling for her...

"WOOOORST!"

**Worst Is Beast!**

"Oi, Last Order, let Misaka teach you a trick from the outside world."

Misaka Worst seemed to be giving advice to Last Order.

"In order to get what you want..."

"You should lean forward and press your arms together..."

She demonstrated.

"And if that doesn't work, you should lift your skirt enough where they could almost see it."

A little while later, Worst heard Accelerator...

"WOOOORST!"

**Worst Is Gold!**

"Pop quiz!"

Misaka Worst smiled and raised a finger to her face.

"Between lacy undergarments and striped panties, which would an adult wear?"

"'Misaka knows! Misaka knows! It's the lacy undergarments!' Misaka says as Misaka jumps up and down."

"Wrong! Actually, it's neither. Adults don't wear any pa-"

Accelerator was behind her.

"_Woooorst...!_"

**Worst Is Love!**

Accelerator was speaking to Misaka Worst.

"Oi, stop teaching Last Order these weird things."

"You know, lately now, your character is getting rather perverse. Are you really okay with this?"

Misaka Worst raised a hand to her mouth.

"Ah! Could it be that you're the type who likes innocent girls? Or is it, more like, the more beautiful and pure a thing is..."

"The more satisfying it is to corrupt it, is Misaka right?"

She had a very unnerving smile.

"Rotten to the core, aren't you..."

**Worst Is...**

"'Misaka spilled horseradish all over herself,' says Misaka as Misaka starts wiping it off with her hands."

Misaka Worst pushed Last Order aside as she tried stretching out her arms to touch Worst's clothes.

"Oi, if you've got nothing else to say, go bother that beansprout, not Misaka."

Last Order quickly ran off.

"..."

A little while later...

"WOOOORST!"

**Teach Me! Accelerator-Sensei!**

"Today, we have a guest with us! Please give him your full attention! Yaay~!"

Tsukuyomi Komoe introduced the guest with her arms outstretched. Accelerator stood at the podium.

"Oi, since this classroom is filled with idiots, I've been asked to help answer a few questions. I look forward to working with each and everyone of you."

Accelerator then proceeded to point towards a small black container.

"To avoid looking at your face and hearing your voice, please submit your questions into this suggestion box. Answering a question depends on whether I feel like it or not."

The class thought in unison:

"_But you just said..._"

**Question: Physics!**

Accelerator was reading a question aloud.

"I've been noticing that the bust sizes of several female cast members have been inconsistent throughout the To Aru series. Is there something to that?"

Accelerator looked up and spoke to the class.

"Among those working in the animation staff..."

"It's a popular thing to say..."

"'It's alright. We can always fix it in the bluray release.'"

"In other words...

"It's your imagination."

The class thought in unison.

"_Just how is it our imagination...!_"

**Question: Shiage!**

Accelerator was reading a question aloud.

"Even though Hamazura Shiage made an appearance in season two of the anime, why wasn't he shown in the OP or ED sequence? Is it because of his lack of screen-time and plot relevance?"

Accelerator looked up and spoke to the class.

"To put it nicely..."

"...when it comes to Hamazura, *.C. Staff doesn't give a fuck. Next Question..."

In another place and time, Hamazura Shiage felt a sting.

**Question: Imagine Breaker**

Accelerator was reading a question aloud.

"Could you help me understand how does Kamijou Touma's Imagine Breaker works? I'm clueless."

Accelerator looked up and spoke to the class.

"...ah, you see..."

"Whenever his right hand touches something supernatural..."

"Stuff happens..."

"And it disappears."

"Next question..."

The class thought in unison.

"_That's not an explanation...!_"

**Question: Remnant!**

Accelerator was reading a question aloud.

"In the Tree Diagram Remnant Arc, I did not notice any tree diagrams."

"..."

"..."

Accelerator walked off and left the classroom.

"A round of applause for Accelerator-sensei! Yaaay~!"

Tsukuyomi Komoe began clapping her hands.

"_Eh? That's it...?_"

**Worst Is Lovely**

Accelerator heard a jingle from his cell phone.

Opening it up, he saw that it was a text from Misaka Worst.

It read:

"What are you wearing?"

"..."

For better or worse, Accelerator blocked her number.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Shoutout to user BuyMeABlueLolipop and edanereS! They've done a great job drawing out some of my "skits"! Check out my profile too see them yourself! They're awesome!

As for the chapter, it's mostly about New Testament. I hope you guys enjoys it!

**Doki Doki _Railgun**

A group of thugs had gathered around.

"Oi, you seem cute. How about you come with us for awhile? Ehehe!"

With that, Kamijou Touma suddenly appears.

"Have you guys no shame! That there is obviously..."

"A robot!"

"...!"

The crowd dispersed to reveal the mechanical poweredsuit, FiveOver.

"How did we not catch that!"

**Embarrassed _Railgun**

Two Misaka sisters were sitting on a bench.

One of them speaks up.

"Academy City is always in the process of building new technology, Misaka states arbitrarily."

"In fact, Misaka continues, it's been rumored that there's a poweredsuit in production that can utilize a railgun just like the #3 esper, Misaka Mikoto."

"That said...!"

The Misaka sister was getting to her point.

"Don't you think the interior of the cockpit has to have blue and white stripes? Misaka asks."

"Huh?"

The other sister tilted her head.

**Flirting _Railgun**

A stream of data was passing inside FiveOver's AI:

Running background self-maintenance check...

Scanning...

Scanning...

Power Output: 30%

10 hr 52 min (74%) remaining...

Current Status: In Active Combat...

Programming is unable to comprehend human behavior and emotions...

Thus...

It's not like I want to eliminate you...

Hamazura Shiage was screaming as he was running off.

"M-Moe? Is this Moe? How the hell...!"

**Blushing _Railgun**

FiveOver was in the process of searching for someone.

Searching...

Searching...

Target aquired.

"..."

FiveOver stood behind a pole as it observed a certain spiky-haired boy.

Kamijou Touma could not help feeling creeped out by this.

**Playing with Fremea**

"Fremea essentially wants to play house!"

Fremea Seivelun stated her wish aloud.

"Let's start with a house wife!"

Hamazura Shiage was given a part.

"Huh? Me? Well... I guess I'll play along..."

Hamazura started to act out his interpretation of what a housewife should be.

"Oh my~! It seems like I mixed up the salt with sugar! Tehe~!"

Fremea, Accelerator, and Kamijou Touma watched with vacant expressions.

"..."

"...please don't look at me like that."

**The Humble Type**

The game of house continued.

"Essentially, a burglar breaks into the house!"

Fremea Seivelun said, giving another person a part.

"Eh? I'm in this too?"

Accelerator glanced at Hamazura.

"..."

"...oi, kneel before me, scumbag."

Hamazura's face became sullen.

"What kind of burglar are you!"

**House Is A Serious Game**

Fremea went on to introduce Kamijou Touma.

"But suddenly, authorities essentially arrive!"

"Alright! My turn!"

Kamijou slightly pumped himself up.

"Stop right there! Anti-skill have the building surrounded! You've got no escape!"

Accelerator had Hamazura in a headlock.

"Anti-skill? Keh! As if I'd be scared of those weaklings! But rather, shouldn't you be worried about this guy here? One wrong move and his head goes 'pop'!"

"You bastard!"

"..."

"Wait..."

Then it suddenly occurred to the three of them that this wasn't a simple game of house anymore.

***ason *oorhees-kun**

"Don't worry! Magical Girl Fremea essentially has your back!"

Fremea Seivelun came on scene...

"..."

And she was cosplaying as a certain iconic horror movie character.

"Hurry! Escape with the hostage! I'll essentially take care of this guy!"

"_She joined the bad guys...! No, more like, what's up with your scary-ass look...! That's not a magical girl at all...!"_

**Fremea Is Scary**

Dojikko:

"Though I can't be a hero... I'll try my best to protect your smile."

Said Hamazura Shiage as he summoned up some courage.

Tsundere:

"Even though I'm eliminating the people after your life, it's not like I give a fuck about what happens to you."

Said Accelerator as he crossed his arms and looked away.

Mysterious bishounen:

"I thought I'd just pop my head in for a bit, but... shall I break that illusion miss?"

Said Kamijou Touma as he sparkled and offered a hand.

As the three main protagonists attended to Fremea Seivelun, her eyes glazed over. She smiled.

"Essentially as planned..."

**Ritoku and Fremea**

Komaba Ritoku and Fremea Seivelun were watching television.

"Hey, are you really okay with watching something like this?"

The television echoed a few lines like "I'm not afraid of anything anymore!" and "Homu-Homu!".

She nodded.

"Essentially, I like dark, violent, disgusting things."

"...a-ah, I see"

Whether Komaba had any of those traits is debatable.

Another Note: This might be the last of the New Testament "skits". Well, I may sneak one here and there in other chapters when I get an idea, but... yeah. Next chapter, is... uh... you'll know it when you see it...

Also, regarding tonight's showing of Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica:

Good luck Homura-chan! Kaname-san! Do your best!


	9. Chapter 9

**4 Favs/ 118 Hits/ 1 Review**

"'Critics are saying that the story Decelerate is upsetting' Misaka says reading the review."

"Eh, is that so."

Accelerator was picking at his ear.

"'How about acting a little nicer in the next chapter?' Misaka suggests."

Accelerator stared flatly and sarcastically remarked..

"Nicer? And what else would you like me to do? Refer to myself with with 'boku' instead of 'ore'? Or maybe I should sugarcoat shit and add 'nyan' to all my senten-"

"HNNNNGGGG!"

The Misaka clone died on the spot.

_***cough* *ahem* Now that that's taken care of... please enjoy the rest of the chapter... ;)**_

**Fearless Leader**

A faceless mob was arguing amongst itself. Several comments were made.

"Who's going to lead Skill-Out now?"

"Komaba's dead?"

"It's over! We're going to be wiped out!"

Hamazura Shiage separated himself out from the group.

"Everyone calm down! I know we're in a tight spot, but we can't give up! Obviously, we need a leader!"

He continued.

"While sticking with Komaba Ritoku through the years, I've learned many valuable lessons from him. About loyalty, teamwork, and responsibility...

"And even though I can't possibly be as capable as Komaba... I, Hamazura Shiage, believe... no, I have complete and utter confidence that skill-out will be in good hands..."

"..._with Hattori Hanzou."_

Hamazura said that last part quietly; however Hattori caught wind of it.

"Oi."

**The Chosen One**

"Ha... Ha ha. I was joking..."

Hamazura Shiage was slightly beaten up.

"Of course, we'll choose a leader fairly by drawing lots. Whoever gets the unlucky lot will lead Skill-Out from here on out. Not that becoming a leader is unlucky or anything."

Hamazura stuck his hand into a box containing all the lots.

"I'll start by going first..."

After unfolding the piece of paper, the word 'leader' was revealed.

Hamazura threw the box to the ground.

"What the fuck! This is rigged!"

"Oi."

**We're Similar**

Accelerator was reading several messages on Komaba Ritoku's phone.

One message read:

The attacks against level 0's haven't been stopping. I'll have to look further into this.

Another read:

The higher ups of Academy City are listening in on us. Unless you're sure you have a safe connection, don't say anything.

And another:

Frenda-chaaan~! (^w^)

I'm sorry I haven't been texting you lately! I've been suuuper busy lately! (;w;)

Are you upset? You know you'll always be my bff-

As Accelerator threw the phone to the ground, Komaba's afterimage was hovering in the sky. It was saying "we're similar" while waving.

**Hamazura, Kill Him**

Hamazura Shiage was confronting Kamijou Touma and Misaka Misuzu as they were trying to escape.

"Huh? You don't know what's going on? Why are you even here...!"

Misuzu latched onto Kamijou's arm.

"He's here because... he's a boy friend!"

"..."

Misuzu also made the the off-comment "of my daughter" while Kamijou denied "...well, that's not really", but Hamazura didn't hear any of that.

Hamazura face become expressionless, and he extended out the baton in his hand.

"I'm not sure why... but I reeeeally want to beat someone to death right now."

"Ah! He's fired up!"

**True Rebels**

After the events of the Skill-Out uprising, the four core members of GROUP were gathered in a break room-like area. In front of them was a table containing various gourmet foodstuffs and banner that read "Congratulations! First Mission!".

Musujime Awaki made a comment.

"Oi, is this supposed to be a welcoming party...? How lame."

"If there's nothing else important going on here, I'm leaving then."

As Accelerator and Musujime started to leave, a voice was transmitted through the room via intercom.

"1...2...1...2... ahem. Due to unforeseen circumstances, there seems to have been a mix up regarding the GROUP welcoming party's catering. Originally, the we planned to serve cheese and crackers; we received something a bit more luxurious...

"If you've already started eating, please stop immediately and wait for further instructions..."

Musujime and Accelerator were now consuming the foodstuffs at an alarming rate.

"Ehhh? Cheese and crackers, you bastards...! I'll show you!"

"You guys will fucking pay for messing with my collar...!"

**Passing**

Unabara Mitsuki (fake name) called out to Musujime Awaki.

"Musujime-san, would it be possible for you to pass the amber-jack?"

A fish suddenly appeared in his hands.

"..."

"Musujime-san, would it be possible for you-"

A fork was now protruding from his forehead.

"...thank you."

"Why don't you just get it yourself..."

Tsuchimikado asked.

**Listen!**

A voice transmitted through the room via intercom.

"1...2...1...2... ahem. If you haven't stopped eating by now, we urge you to stop."

Accelerator and Musujime Awaki paid no attention to the warning.

"In the event that you are still eating, a plate of whiskey bonbons seems to have been mixed in with the various desserts there. Please avoid those at all costs. Especially if you're weak to alcohol."

Musujime made a remark.

"Tch. As if there's a person like that exists around here."

...and then she noticed.

"Oi. Accelerator. Why'd you stop..."

**Pure Pure~**

Tsuchimikado Motoharu, Unabara Mitsuki, and Musujime Awaki became alarmed. Musujime spoke.

"Oi. Accelerator."

Accelerator had his back turned. It looked like he was sulking.

"_...am...good..._"

"Huh? Did you say something?"

Accelerator turned around, revealing a completely sadistic expression. He flipped the switch on his collar.

"I'm asking, am I being a good boy...!"

"A-ah... yeah...?"

Musujime was caught off-guard.

"Then pet my head and say I'm a good boy."

The atmosphere suddenly became heavier for various reasons.

**Fuwa Fuwa~**

Accelerator had Musujime by the neck and was waving her from side to side.

"Okay, I get it! I get it! Put me down!"

After putting Musujime back on her feet, she uncomfortably reached out to rub the top of his head.

"Y-Your're a good boy, Accelerator."

"Ehehe~"

As Accelerator passed out in her lap, a "light and fluffy" feeling started to spread around the remaining members of GROUP.

**The Next Day**

The following day...

"Good job Accelerator."

Tsuchimikado Motoharu gave him a thumbs-up.

"Keep up the good work."

Musujime Awaki rubbed the top of his head.

"Accelerator! Let me help you!"

Unabara Mitsuki (fake name) rushed over to him with his hands outstretched.

"_What the fuck is going on...!_"

**Because It's Lonely Being By Yourself**

While in the secret organization GROUP, members had to undergo various GROUP activities, such as:

GROUP pictures

GROUP hugs

GROUP picnics

Misaka Worst started to ask a question to a lazing Accelerator.

"Say, don't you wish you could go ba-"

"No."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N****: **A long chapter this time. I think I'll dub this as the 'Confusion Arc'. Oh, and to set aside all doubts, this is a humor fic. Please don't take it seriously.

**Regarding Last Chapter's 'We're Similar'**

A certain little girl looked at a text message. It's contents:

"I'm sorry I haven't been texting you lately! I've been suuper busy lately! (;w;)

Are you upset? You know you'll always be my bff-"

Later, Komaba Ritoku's phone vibrated. Hattori Hanzou, who was nearby, commented:

"Is that your phone?"

Komaba looked at the contents of the received text:

"It's Fremea. Not Frenda."

"..."

"...well, fuck then."

**Finals Week**

"It's..."

Saten Ruiko bent her knees.

"All..."

With a smile on her face, she sprang up from the ground and extended her arms into the air.

"OVEEEER!"

And then she was on her hands and knees.

"..._in more ways than one._"

**Akiba Strip**

Yomikawa Aiho made a comment towards Yoshikawa Kikyou.

"That's right! Since she just came here this month, she doesn't have that many clothes! Maybe the three of us should all go out shopping?"

Of course, she was referring to Misaka Worst.

"..."

The researcher put hand on chin as she thought about the prospects.

Her eyes glazed over. She smiled.

"That's a great idea. And while we do that, I can..."

A dark aura started emitting from Yoshikawa.

"A-Alright then..."

**Worst's Dynamic Shopping**

The sinister-looking Misaka Worst appeared in a waitress outfit.

"Goshujin-sama~!"

Worst then appeared in a china dress.

"Ni hao~!"

Then she appeared in a bunny suit.

"Oi, can't Misaka just wear normal clothes?"

Yomikawa held several more outfits in her hands. For some reason, she and Yoshikawa's eyes had become 'spirals'. Yomikawa spoke.

"Hey, this is actually pretty fun!"

"I-Is that so..."

**8 Percent Tip**

Kamijou Touma was sitting in a restaurant. A waitress approached him.

"Sir, you're not allowed to loiter around! Other people want to sit down too!"

Kamijou stared back blankly.

"I ordered something just awhile ago."

"..."

And then, all of a sudden, the waiter made a dash towards the kitchen.

"..."

**Don't Ask, Don't Tell**

Accelerator was speaking on his cellphone.

"So you lost Worst."

Yomikawa was on the other line.

"We didn't lose her. She ran away. In any case, she's not picking up her phone-"

"Why would she run away?"

Accelerator questioned.

"..."

"In any case, she 's not picking up her phone. She should be in your area wearing Tokiwakai's Middle School's uniform..."

"Oi."

**6 Percent Tip**

The waitress presented Kamijou Touma with a piece of paper. She smiled.

"And here's your ticket!"

"I'm sorry, but there's a problem."

Kamijou raised his arm.

"I haven't received my food yet."

"..."

And then...

The waitress made a dash to the kitchen.

**No Goggles = Worst**

"Ah, there she is."

Accelerator spotted a familiar girl wearing Tokiwakai's Middle School's uniform. She was inserting money into a pachinko machine.

"Just what do you think you're doing? Playing pachinko in broad daylight? Are you trying to start trouble?"

(Pachinko is a parlor game for ages 18 and up.)

He said, grabbing her by the back of her collar.

"One of these days, that carefree attitude of yours is gonna bite you in the ass."

"..."

As Accelerator dragged her away, she could do little to stop him. No, more like, Misaka MIkoto was too confused to do anything.

"_What's going oooooon...!"_

**4 Percent Tip**

The waitress presented Kamijou Touma with a fish-shaped cake..

"And here's your Taiyaki!"

Kamijou stared blankly at the plate.

"...but, I didn't order Taiyaki."

"..."

And then, all of a sudden-

"Wait! Don't take the plate! I'll eat it! I don't care anymore!"

**Today's Misaka-san**

"Uwah! Today's Misaka-san looks way different from usual!"

Uiharu Kazari said. She and Saten Ruiko made note of Worst's appearance.

"You're eyes and teeth have gotten sharper!"

"And it looks like your breasts have gotten bigger too!"

"Well, you know how the saying goes. A girl in love becomes more beautiful, right?"

Worst also made the off-comment of "by the way, who are you", while Uiharu glowed in fascination. Saten made note:

"For love, this is pretty extreme..."

**Itadakimasu**

"Since Misaka-san has some free time..."

Saten Ruiko stated.

"Let's go out to eat!"

She put hand to her chin and thought.

"Hmm... what's near by...? There's okonomiyaki, takoyaki, or..."

She pointed to the side.

"Uiharu!"

Worst grinned.

"Misaka will eat her up nicely."

"Kyaa~! Today's Misaka-san's so ecchi~!"

"_... that's a joke, right?"_

**The Gates Of Hell**

Misaka Mikoto was having dinner at Yomikawa's apartment complex. Various voices seemed to pass over her as she sat silently at the dinner table.

"'Misaka wants to be spoonfed!' Misaka says as Misaka throws her arms in the air."

"You shitty brat! There's a limit to being spoiled!"

"Accelerator, you need to loosen up! There's no harm in spoiling her every once in awhile!"

"Geh. Fine. Whatever. Just promise not spit anything back out."

"'Yay!' Misaka says as Misaka prepares to open her mouth."

Misaka Mikoto was breaking down.

"_I don't understand anything anymoooore...!"_

**2 Percent Tip**

In the distance, the door to the kitchen opened. The waitress walked out.

"..."

Kamijou Touma made eye contact with her.

"..."

The waitress walked back into the kitchen.

**Truthfully? They All Look The Same To Me**

Misaka Mikoto seemed to be playing a fighting game with Last Order, though, her soul seemed to have already left her body.

"'Take that!' Misaka shouts as Misaka unleashes her Tiro Finale!"

Near the front door, Accelerator was putting on his shoes.

"Going somewhere?"

Yoshikawa Kikyou asked.

"I'm going out to look for Worst. You guys take care of the third and make sure she gets home safely."

"Alright then, take care."

Yoshikawa turned around.

"_You mean that girl isn't Worst...!"_

**Kyaa~**

Accelerator was on his cellphone.

"Oi, Worst. Sorry to say this but your fun time is over. I'm coming to pick you up now, so be ready-"

"Ah my darling~!"

(Please imagine very Engrish-y dialogue.)

"Misaka is going to go out karaoke~! So don't stay up too late! My honey~!"

"..."

Accelerator listened as the other end seemed to buzz with noise.

"Kyaa~! Misaka-san has a boyfriend~!"

"Does this mean Misaka-san lives with him~! Kyaa~! Misaka-san so mature~! Kyaa~!"

"..."

**The Victim**

Misaka Worst saw Accelerator hobbling down the street.

"Tch. He found me."

Clinging onto an unsuspecting hungry boy nearby, she yelled,

"Help! Misaka is in trouble!"

As Worst hid behind Kamijou Touma, she started making faces at Accelerator.

"..."

An awkward wind blew by.

**The Protector**

Kamijou Touma assessed the situation, with Worst hiding behind him and Accelerator facing him from the front.

"I don't quite get it..."

"But as long as I punch you with this right fist of mine, it should end out okay..."

He also made the off-comment that he was "hungry" and "tired".

"_Oi! Is that something you should really be saying...! Think about your character, damn it...!"_

Accelerator thought.

Uiharu Kazari and Saten Ruiko watched from the side.

_It's a love triangle~!_

**Misunderstanding A Girl's Feelings**

Accelerator glanced at Worst, who was making various faces at him.

His glance shifted to Kamijou.

"..."

Accelerator turned back and started walking.

"Looks like you've found yourself a good buddy."

"I'll see you when I see you."

**The Protector/Victim**

"..."

Worst fell silent.

"Well, I don't know what happened, but things seemed to turn out okay."

Worst kicked Kamijou between the legs and ran off.

Uiharu and Saten watched as Kamijou fell to ground.

_Kyaa~! As expected from Misaka-san~!_

**Understanding A Girl's Feelings**

"Oi, Tou-san!"

Worst called out to Accelerator's back.

"Don't you think that was rather cruel?"

"What, so you don't want to stay with him?"

He answered.

"If that's how you honestly feel, then don't create situations where people might misunderstand."

…

...!

Suddenly, Accelerator felt Worst's arms wrap around him from his back.

"Don't misunderstand..."

**Worst End**

"Oi. Just what-"

"Misaka wants..."

Worst's voice got quieter.

"..._Misaka wants."_

"..."

"_..."_

"_...erman..."_

"SUUUPLEX!"

"UWOO!"

**Epilogue**

Uiharu Kazari and Saten Ruiko were sparkling.

"..."

"...why are you looking at me like that?"

Misaka Mikoto would be bombarded with questions, she wouldn't know how to answer.


	11. Chapter 11: Tiro

Hey!

This is rubix91, and for this chapter, I think I'll do things a bit differently. Since I'm ten chapters in, I thought it might be interesting to go over my own thoughts over writing "To Aru Super SS".

Now, in order to make this "not" one long author's note, which I think is frowned upon by the higher ups of the site, I've decided to bring in a character from To Aru Majutsu no Index to represent the sole voice of reason.

Accelerator: You've gotta be fucking kidding-

If you were to compare this to an actual doujin, this chapter might be compared with the endnotes you might see near the back cover. For that purpose, please imagine a very lovely drawing of Misaka Worst off to the side.

…

Thank you.

First, let's discuss-

Accelerator: Oi...! Before that any of that, how about telling me why the fuck I'm here...!

…

Ah, well...

I'm not sure if anyone's noticed, but...

Without really knowing it myself, I've had Accelerator appear in every chapter so far...

So I thought it might be appropriate to-

Accelerator: That's a stupid reason. Get me the fuck out of here.

…

In any case...

Accelerator: (God damn it...!)

Going over the format, I'm actually pretty surprised that this type of writing isn't popular. I mean, if you go to the Lucky Star or K-ON section of the site, you'll see a lot of things in a "story" type format but nothing that really imitates the 4-koma humor of the original.

So... that kind of inspired me to write these "4-koma scripts".

Accelerator: Ah, so the lack of 4-koma styled "writings" over 4-koma manga made you want to write a 4-koma... on a light novel...?

…

Well, that's...

Hmm...

That is to say...

You know...

…

So there are 4 panels in a 4-koma, right?

Accelerator: (He ignored me...!)

I try to make it so that each snippet I write can be imagined into 4 panels. Because of this, there's a noticeable lack of detail, and most of the time, I spend more time thinking about how to set up the situation than the actual joke. I may be over glorifying the process (it's actually really easy when you get into it) but there are some limitations to think about when trying to imitate this type of style.

So far, I think I've done pretty good-

Accelerator: Bull. I'm calling you out.

...huh?

Accelerator: Stop making shit up. There are plenty of times I've seen where you've included either too much or too little detail to be really considered "4 panels".

...

Well...

In those cases, if you use your imagination-

Accelerator: Imagination? What's the point of guidelines if in the end you have to use your imagination. In reality, I bet you just give a half-assed explanation for a given situation, slap down a joke, and then call it day.

Err...

…

…

*cough*

I'd like to think there's more to it than that...

*cough*

Accelerator: So I'm right.

…

Accelerator: And while I've got you in a corner, I might as well ask you something.

...eh?

Accelerator: This is just a gut feeling, but... have you actually read any of the novels?

…

Of course! Why would I-

Why would I start a fanfiction over a light series novel I didn't read.

Ha ha ha.

It's not like I can't read.

Ha ha ha.

Accelerator: For some reason, you're nervously laughing. Is there something to that?

…

No.

Ha ha ha.

I've read the novel.

Accelerator: There's more than one.

…

Novels.

I meant to say 'novels'.

Accelerator: You're pathetic, you know that?

...

Okay, fine. So I haven't read most of the novels. I've only read SS1 and New Testament so far. But...

I've watched both seasons of Index as well as Railgun and its OVA.

And speaking of Railgun, I've read the manga up to its current arc. And I look forward to introducing the Queen later on in Super SS.

As for the rest of the novels I haven't read...

I don't think I'll get around to read any of them.

But if I were to read another Index novel, it'd be New Testament Vol 2, not any of the previous established stuff.

Reading is just kind of boring for me.

Accelerator: But you're on a fanfiction website...

…

Can we... just get past this...?

Accelerator: By all means.

Alright.

Thank you.

…

Let's talk about the chapters

Accelerator: Really? You sure you want to do that? That sounds really tedious.

It won't be boring.

…

I hope.

...

Actually, I before I do this, I should probably mention that every chapter, I decided to try and introduce a new character from the series.

So the list goes:

Chapter 1:

Kamijou Touma, Hamazura Shiage, Takitsubo Rikou, the Misaka Sisters, Accelerator, Misaka Mikoto, Saten Ruiko, and Uiharu Kazari

Chapter 2:

Heaven Canceller, Last Order, Kazakiri Hyouka, Kihara Amata, and Vento of the Front ( and her brother, I guess)

Chapter 3:

Misaka Worst (kyaa~)

Chapter 4:

Mugino Shizuri and Kinuhata Saiai (voice)

Chapter 5:

Aleister Crowley, Index, Stiyl Magnus, and Tsuchimikado Motoharu (voice)

Chapter 6:

Hattori Hanzou, Fremea Seivelun, and Frenda Seivelun (voice)

Chapter 7:

Yomikawa Aiho and Tsukuyomi Komoe (Yay~)

Chapter 8:

Komaba Ritoku and FiveOver (that one robot from New Testament)

Chapter 9:

Musujime Awaki and Etzali

Chapter 10:

Yoshikawa Kikyou

*phew*

Just so you know, once I run out of characters to introduce, I'll probably end To Aru Super SS. That or I get bored. One of those. And seeing as I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of characters in the Index series, it might be awhile.

Accelerator: And what about this chapter?

...huh?

Accelerator: If that's true, then, someone new should appear this chapter as well, right?

…

Umm...

Uh...

…

Fiamma: It is I, Fiamma of the Right! I have appeared! And now the glorious me shall now be off! Fu ha ha ha!

…

That should be okay.

Chapter 11:

Fiamma of the Right

...

Accelerator: ...I wish I could facepalm, but it seems like you aren't narrating any of my actions.

Accelerator facepalmed.

There.

Accelerator: Thank you.

Anyhow, regarding the jokes of each chapter, I am actually very aware of how hit or miss my humor is. I think I may have put it in the description at one point. I'm pretty sure I hit at least 50 percent of the time.

Accelerator: Try lower.

Some jokes, I know why they fall flat. They're either not written very well or more of a visual kind of humor. Other times, I keep some jokes out of a sense of obligation.

Like for instance, the elevator arc for chapter 3. The original joke for that one was "Commando Accelerator". I actually had to work myself backwards with other jokes to get Accelerator everyone in an elevator and introduce Misaka 20000. Everything else turned out fine. The original joke? Unfortunately, it wasn't that funny. It seemed like a waste to throw it away, so I kept it. And that goes for some of the other jokes as well.

Accelerator: I really wish you didn't make me say that line.

Other things to note...

If anyone's noticed, I've used the "two Misaka sisters on a bench" situation in several chapters. I hope to keep using this scene whenever I want to point out something in the series. And for some variety, I'll probably continue the "Accelerator-sensei" bits in the same manner. Since this is supposed to be "gag 4-koma" fanfiction, I don't feel guilty about reusing these scenarios at all.

Accelerator: Speaking of lazy writing, what the hell was up with Chapter 5?

I am...

Still very sorry about.

…

Anyhow...

Let me address some comments before I end this.

Some people have previously expressed the desire to draw some of my 4-koma's. To anyone out in the entire world that wants to, I'll say that I have no problem with it. I hold no personal attachments to any of my jokes. In fact, you can take all my ideas and make them even better. Go crazy. You can even go off tangent and make an actual fanfiction off of it. I probably won't sue.

To the person who want Misaka 20000 to appear again. I actually do have something planned for her, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take before I get around to do it.

(I'll eventually get to it. But it's not going to be next chapter.)

To the person who is confused about Touma being a bishounen (wait, same person...), it's a joke...

Or is it?

An idealist with cryptic speech patterns ( metaphorically "breaking illusions") that is also popular amongst women. Hmm...

…

To the person who lists their favorite bits from my chapters, I'll list off some of my own favorites. One from each chapter.

Accelerator: Oi. Careful. I heard inflated egos cause blood clots.

"Level Upper Does Not Enhance Your XXX"

"Tethering"

"20000"

"A Soft Warm Feeling"

"One-Hit Combo"

"Scenerio #1"

"Worst Is..."

"Fremea Is Scary"

"We're Similar"

"Finals Week"

Well, I think that wraps things up.

Wait, hold on, I also want to say...

About chapter 9's "Accelerator is a good boy" joke, it's a crack at the "Sanae is a good girl" touhou meme. Not sure if anyone got that... ( probably not)

And for chapter 10, I really want to emphasize my theory that Yoshikawa Kikyou enjoys dressing up Worst in different costumes. This phenomena is also known as "costume raping". If in New Testament Vol 2, Worst is wearing another outfit Yoshikawa "won", remember, you heard it first from me.

Accelerator: Is that all you've got to say?

…

For now, yes.

Accelerator: Good. Let's stop this mess of a chapter before it gets worse.

…

Well, I suppose.

If anyone's read this far, I thank you for your time. I promise the next chapter will be more "normal".

This is rubix91, and I'm out.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Back to the regular format. It's been awhile. Posted the day after Father's Day... argh...

**Father's Day**

Kamijou Touma was idly thinking.

"I should probably give him a call... but then again, I don't really want to bother him."

Misaka Mikoto was in a similar situation.

"I'm not really good with these kinds of things... my mom will probably do something though...!"

Kamijou Shiina and Misaka Misuzu were chatting nonchalantly with one another.

"...he's so busy, you know! He probably doesn't even know what day today is!"

"Ah! My husband's the same way! And I really doubt he notices holidays like this either!"

Touya and Tabikake were both on their hands and knees.

_It's like... no one cares..._

**Do You Remember...?**

Kamijou Touma was confronting his father during the Angel Fall incident. Touya was speaking at the moment.

"Do you still remember, Touma?"

"The kids who believed in superstitions threw rocks at you...! And at one time, a debt-ridden man attacked you...!"

"And there was also that time when we forget to pick you up at school...! And we brought home a different child...!"

"And that one time when we drove to Disney Sea for your birthday...! We had to turn back because we didn't have enough money...! And instead we went to a Don Quijote...!"

(Don Quijote might be considered the Japanese equivalent of WalMart.)

Kamijou Touma was stone-faced.

"These sound like things I'd want to forget..."

**Lacking**

"My job is to point out what this world lacks."

Misaka Tabikake was monologuing at the checkout of a Don Quijote.

"Sir, I need to see your ID."

Opening his wallet, Misaka glanced at a picture of his wife and daughter.

…

And then came the unfortunate comparison regarding certain aspects.

Misaka continued monologuing with a blank expression.

"However... there are instances of 'lacking' that aren't necessarily a bad thing."

**A Certain "Everyday Life"**

Misaka Worst and Last order were standing back to back. They sang.

"First comes rock! Then comes paper!"

"Can't use em' all! So JAN-KEN-"

"PON!"

Worst and Last Order pulled out hand puppets of Index and Touma respectively.

_CHOMP!_

**Regret**

"Hanzou! Take a look at this!"

Hamazura Shiage held up a magazine containing an ad for a Kamijou Touma's figma.

"..."

Hattori Hanzou looked away.

"Maybe..."

"If I hung out with you more, you wouldn't have turned out like this-"

"Oi, I think you're getting the wrong idea...!"

**Gateway**

"Don't you realize what this means? If this gets popular, we might become figmas too!"

Hamazura explained

"..."

Hattori Hanzou crossed his arms and shut his eyes.

"You're forgetting something important Hamazura..."

"While you _could _buy a Kamijou Touma figma..."

Hanzou opened his eyes with a fiery passion.

"Wouldn't you want to save up your money until the Madoka ones came out...!"

("They'll probably be really expensive.")

…

_Damn it...!_

Hamazura was in shock.

**Skyrocket**

Hattori Hanzou continued speaking.

"Besides, the only people who'll buy it will probably be the ones who have too much time and money on their hands..."

Elsewhere, Aleister Crowley was contemplating.

"I too... wish to become a figma..."

Academy City's budget was rearranged.

Elsewhere, Laura Stuart was stifling a laugh.

"I don't know what your game is... but don't think you'll be the only one having fun...!"

The English Anglican Church's budget was also rearranged.

Elsewhere, the nameless higher ups of the Roman Catholic Church were getting riled up.

"What's this...! Do these people know something we don't...!"

A chain reaction had begun.

**Not Related To Reality**

"This just in..."

A reporter on television was speaking.

"A certain figma has gained widespread popularity across the globe..."

"But with rumors circulating that there may be a delay in pre-order shipments just so the company can meet up with the demands..."

"Fans have lashed out violently... with some even some resorting to death threats towards the makers..."

"An anonymous hacking group has also surfaced, taking over many associated distributing websites..."

"And threatening to reveal personal data unless the figmas are delivered by the promised date..."

"Truly, nothing like this has happened throughout the course of history..."

The news program focused on an image of an Internet message board. On it were the words:

_We are Misaka. We are legion._

**If There's A Market...**

Aogami Pierce was speaking with Kamijou Touma and Tsuchimikado Motoharu about something.

"Hey! Did you hear! Kami-yan's gonna get a figma made by *axFactory! The release date is slated for this October!"

"Oooh! That's pretty sweet, don't ya agree!"

Tsuchimikado nudged Kamijou in the rib.

"..."

"Exactly..."

"Who would want such a thing...?"

Aogami and Tsuchimikado fell silent...

_This guy...is clueless..._

**Burnable And Nonburnable Trash**

Stiyl Magnus was speaking to Laura Stuart about something.

"I don't quite understand what you're asking me to do..."

"Huh?"

"For what purpose is burning tens of thousands of little dolls of Kamijou Touma going to achieve? Will this actually help the church in any way?"

"Well... we do seem to have a lot of them stocked... and we're receiving even more shipments from Academy City as gifts... and they take a lot of space, so..."

Laura then asked a question.

"Could it be that you don't want to do this-?"

"I never said that."

He quickly replied.

**Futures**

Kamijou Touma was speaking.

"More importantly... have you guys thought about your plans after high school...?"

Tsuchimikado Motoharu replied.

"You say that like we're actually gonna graduate."

"I'm being serious here, damn it!"

The two started fighting amongst themselves.

"I've thought about my future."

From the background, Aogami Pierce raised his hand.

"I figure I'll become a politician and change this country."

Both Kamijou and Tsuchimikado had sullen faces.

_Japan is in danger!_

**Father's Day (cont.)**

Worst was harassing Accelerator.

"Tou-san, what type of tie should I get you? Striped or polka-dot?"

"I told you. Don't call me that."

The two started bickering.

"Ah, so you prefer 'Mr. Honor Student'?"

"Just call me Accelerator, damn it."

"But that's so hard to pronounce!"

Last order watched the two from a distance. She offered her own suggestion.

"...Papa?"

"..."

...

Accelerator turned his head.

"You need something?"

_He responded...!_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: The first two are vaguely based on the clique chapters from Railgun. The rest... you can take them as they are...

**Clique-ON!**

"I, Kongou Mitsuko, shall make my own clique!"

Kongou snapped her fan.

"And surely if I provide tea and cake... people will join by the masses...!"

"Though..."

Kongou doubted herself.

"I wonder if that's enough..."

Elsewhere, Uiharu Kazari felt a sensation.

"...!"

"Saten-san! Tokiwadai needs me!"

"Wait, what...?"

**Followers**

In a dark room, Shokuhou Misaki was looking at a computer screen.

...

She was on a website that had a blue bird as its logo.

…

And upon closer inspection, she was glaring at a number.

Later that day...

Shokuhou was speaking roughly to Misaka Mikoto.

"I see you've increased your followers yet again...! Is this a declaration of war...?"

"For some reason, I'm getting the feeling that whatever you're talking about is out of my control..."

**Replacements**

Fremea Seivelun was introducing herself to the rest of ITEM.

"...um, essentially, there are certain circumstances that I don't know how to explain..."

"...but all of you are friends with onee-san, so..."

"...I'll be in your care..."

The little girl made a slight bow.

...

...and then a 'light and fluffy' feeling overwhelmed a particular female member of ITEM.

Mugino Shizuri held Fremea up in the air.

"You look just like her! I think I'll call you Frenda 1.5!"

Hamazura stared off as Mugino gushed over her. He commented.

"I've made a huge mistake."

**The Last Person Who Should Ask**

Hamazura Shiage and the rest of ITEM were whispering to one another so that Fremea couldn't hear.

"So this is Frenda's sister...?"

Kinuhata Saiai asked.

"Well, this seems super awkward..."

Hamazura made a point to say,

"Look I'll explain everything later, but until then, I think it would be best if we were all to avoid 'that' subject."

Mugino tilted her head.

"Huh? I don't understand. What's 'that' subject?"

"…"

Hamazura was blown away.

**Taboo**

Hamazura was flailing his arms in the air.

"You know, 'that' subject. The... you know... The subject you would normally consider not mentioning... especially since I brought a... 'certain person'... who's right in front of you..."

"...?"

Fremea had a confused look on her face.

"You say that like I should know... but you're being pretty vague."

Mugino replied.

_Are you an idiot...! No, you're doing this on purpose aren't you...!_

Kinuhata Saiai stepped up.

"What I think Hamazura is super trying to say is..."

"...don't talk about 'the certain thing that happens when a man and a woman go to a love hotel'."

_That's not it at all...! Actually, don't talk about that either...!_

**Kami Wa Shinda**

"...'love hotel'?"

Fremea had a confused look on her face.

"Uh... that's a... err..."

Hamazura shot a glance at Kinuhata, who was now looking to the side and whistling.

_Why'd you have to bring up something so unnecessary...!_

Takitsubo Rikou stepped up.

"...I don't think that's it. I think Hamazura's telling us to not say anything about Frenda... probably..."

_That's right...! That's right...! You're such a good girl, Takitsubo...!_

"Essentially... what's wrong with onee-san?"

_GOD IS DEAAAAD._

**Fre nda**

Mugino Shizuri was speaking with Fremea Seivelun.

"Unfortunately, your sister had to split."

"She lost a part of herself and went out searching for it."

"But I just know it tears her to pieces to be away from you."

"What I'm trying to say is that I cut her in h-"

"AND THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU!"

Hamazura grabbed her from behind to prevent her from saying any more.

**Good Luck, Hamazura**

"Ah~! Don't grab me from behind like that~! At least, not in front of Takitsubo~!"

"You...! You just shut up...!"

"Hamazura... don't worry. I understand."

"Takitsubo, it's not like that...!"

"I essentially want to go to a love hotel!"

"I-It's not what you think it is...!"

"Ah~ kids grow up super fast these days!"

"You're not helping, damn it...!"

Hamazura was fighting an uphill battle.

**Icy**

A girl with short black hair was instructing Shirai Kuroko.

"Ah, once you're done with your paperwork, you can take the rest of the day off."

"..."

Shirai looked at the girl.

"..."

Shirai continued to look without saying anything.

"..."

And the girl put on her glasses.

"Ah, it's Konori Mii-sen-"

"Go to hell."

**Birds Of A Feather?**

Shirai had a bump on her head.

"Really now... was hitting me like that necessary...?"

_Click! Click!_

And she was also taking pictures of a certain "someone" while being concealed by the foliage of a bush. She zoomed in on the target girl that had her face and arms glued to the window of a children's toy shop.

_Click! Click!_

"Cute~! So Cute~! The face onee-san makes when she wants something but is too embarrassed to actually get it~! It's so cute~! I'll die from it~!"

_Click! Click!_

…?

That noise did not come from Shirai's camera. Looking to the side, she sees Unabara Mitsuki(?).

"..."

He stares back.

**Stalk Together?**

"..."

…

"The birds..."

"Huh?"

Shirai Kuroko was still lost as to what to do next.

"They're flying wonderfully, aren't they?"

"...ah, yes. They are."

She caught up to his pace.

_Th-That's right... If we're both nature lovers, none of us are doing anything wrong..._

"By any chance, did you catch that sparrow that just flew by?"

Shirai asked.

"No, sorry, I was too busy taking pictures of that girl over there."

_Whaaaat...!_

**She Said Lots Of Other Things As Well**

"T-Taking pictures of students without their consent is p-prohibited...!"

_Although I'm no different...!_

"As part of Judge-"

"I do have permission."

"Huh?"

Shirai was caught off guard.

"She told me that I could take as many pictures as I wanted. Day or night."

_Onee-san said that...!_

"..."

"...in a dream."

…

Shirai Kuroko held Unabara in the air by his face.

"Can you let me go...?"

**A True Stalker**

"How troublesome... For onee-san to attract such a lowly stalker..."

Shirai sighed to herself, but then...

_...ck!_

Unabara(?) smacked her hand away. His expression was serious.

"Lowly stalker...? Aren't you describing yourself...?"

He continued.

"For someone who doesn't even admit that she's stalking... that's the extent of your 'love'...! For me, I am willing to scream this fact out to ends of this world...! Don't group me up with the likes of you...!"

"Uwah! He's shining! It's so bright, I can't even look!"

Shirai had to extend her arms out to block the light.

**Over? It Hasn't Even Begun!**

Afterwards, Unabara(?) had escaped.

"AH! HE DISAPPEARED!"

But the lessons he gave lived on.

"...the extent of my 'love', huh..."

And a burning passion came to fruition.

"But... I have yet to show you the true extent of my 'love', creepy-senpai!"

That night, one room in the Tokiwadai Dormitory became an epic battlefield.

"ONEE-SA-"

_Bzzt!_

**Tanabata**

A researcher and an esper were talking in the background.

"Accelerator, did you know? If you were to write down a wish and tie it to that bamboo tree, it just might come true."

Last Order was tying a piece of paper onto the bamboo plant.

"Is that so? Then we ought to burn it down then."

"..."

Last Order finished tying the paper and ran off.

"Is that how you honestly feel?"

…

"Well..."

Upon a closer look, text was revealed on Last Order's wish.

"If it's a wish from that brat, I suppose it'll be alright if it came true."

It read:

Let's be together forever.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** It's been awhile since I've updated. It's also been awhile since I've done a relatively short chapter. Well, I suppose this chapter covers the events of August 21st as well an extra...

**Beating A Dead Horse**

A group of researchers sat silently in a room. Their serious gaze was pointed at a giant monitor. The screen relayed messages from Tree Diagram.

One researcher gave another a signal...

And then, an electronic conversation took place...

[ What is the meaning of life?]

…

[ This question cannot be answered, as there is no definite answer. For each and every person, a different 'meaning' is be obtained based on how that person interprets his or her own life at that point.]

...

The researcher gave another signal.

[ How many roads must a-]

[ I know what you're trying to do. Stop it.]

**Final Answer**

A researcher bursts into a room.

"Terrible news! Tree Diagram's been damaged! There's only enough power to answer one more question!"

Another researcher stood up.

"Hurry! We need to ask 'that' again!"

An electronic conversation...

[ What color are Railgun's panties?]

[ YOU BASTARDS! I COULD'VE MADE YOU PEOPLE INTO GODS BUT NOOO-]

The monitor cut off.

"..."

"Well, at least we tried."

**Wall**

Accelerator was facing off with Misaka Serial No. 00001.

"Oi. I hope you know what you're getting into."

The white-haired boy cracked his knuckles.

"'Since this Misaka is the first of her kind and cannot rely on any previous collected information...'"

"'The best plan of action is for Misaka to retreat,' says Misaka as she flees from the scene."

As she ran, she tripped over herself and fell onto the ground.

"..."

"'A-As expected from the Number One. T-Truly there is an impassible wall between us,' says Misaka as she writhers in pain."

"..."

**Progress**

"'To think that the Number One would exploit Misaka's only weakness! Tripping when there is nothing to trip on!' Misaka says as she gathers the last of her strength."

"That's not a weakness! That just means you're damn clumsy!"

"'You may have defeated this Misaka, but there are 19999 even stronger Misakas waiting for you...!' says Misaka as she dies without regrets."

"Oi! How the hell are you dying...!"

Text started appearing below Accelerator.

[ Accelerator gained 25 experience points.]

"What the fuck is this?"

[ Accelerator learned _sleep._]

"How the hell would I not know how to do that!"

**Bridge Of Angst**

"_Why... Why... did it become like this...?"_

Misaka Mikoto was drowning in despair. Standing near the rails of a certain bridge, she looked down towards the murky waters.

"_There must be a way... a way I can stop the experiments..."_

"_But even without Tree Diagram... the experiments can still continue..."_

She buried her face into her arms.

"_Just what am I supposed to do...?"_

Without realizing it, she started speaking.

"...me. Help..."

And then, all of a sudden!

"What are you doing..."

Hearing a familiar voice, she turned her head and saw...

"Miko-chan~"

A spiky-haired boy was drunkenly staggering towards her bowleggedly.

"Ehh...?"

**Touching Moment**

Misaka Mikoto was speaking.

"The one who created this situation was me."

"That's why I have to be the one to save them."

"Tonight, another experiment will be held, but..."

"Before that, I'm going to have one final showdown with Acc-swellewator-"

Kamijou Touma had grabbed her face mid-sentence and started to stretch her cheeks.

"Wah! It's just like mochi...!"

"Stop doing that...!"

The esper shot off some sparks but the boy dodged them in a characteristically drunk manner.

**It's A Little Difficult**

"Hey, you...! Stop right...there...!"

Accelerator turned around to see a spiky-haired boy stumbling towards him.

"Accelananunun..."

"Ac'shanunun..."

"Eck'shanana..."

"..."

Kamijou's right hand plowed into Accelerator's face.

"Damn it, it pisses me off...!"

**Inspiring**

With each line, Kamijou Touma smashed his fist into the esper.

"Why do I have to learn English anyway...! This is Japan, not fricken' America...!"

"Don't teachers realize how hard it is to learn another language at such a late age...!"

"It's like when you go to the bathroom...! When you start, you can't just stop, damn it...!"

At the other end...

"_I don't understand this at all...!"_

**More Or Less The Same Ending**

Accelerator was lying on the ground, facing up to the sky. He had been severely beaten down. The boy reflected...

"_I see. So I've gotten myself involved in something pointless."_

"_I wanted to gain power that was beyond the 'strongest'... but in order to achieve what...?"_

"_That's right... I wanted to..."_

"_Really...What am I... doing..."_

At the other end...

Kamijou was holding back the urge to puke.

**Extra Throwaway Jokes**

Accelerator was facing off against various other Misaka Sisters...

Misaka Serial No. 00009:

"This Misaka is the strongest...!"

"Declares Misaka as she's thrown into the stratosphere!"

Misaka Serial No. 00069:

"M-Misaka knows what you're thinking...B-But Misaka doesn't like that sort of thing...!"

"Misaka says as she turns into a star!"

**Being Together**

Inside a movie theater...

"_Gyaaa! Their attackkkking! Runnnnn!"_

"..."

"...mmh."

As Takitsubo Rikou woke up, she slowly looked up at the boy beside her.

"...zzz..."

"_If you want to live come with me...!"_

"..."

Closing her eyes once again, she leaned up against his shoulder...

"_Whaat? You mean the transfer student was a time traveler all along...!"_

And went back to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Long chapter this time. And it's mostly about New Testament 2... kind of. Don't worry too much if you don't get some of the jokes. It probably wasn't funny anyway...

**Inexcusable!**

Two Misaka Sisters were sitting on a bench.

"'We are the two Misaka sisters that sit on a bench!' declares Misaka as she sits on a bench."

"'Don't be so redundant...', replies Misaka."

"'It seems like it's been ten chapters since our last appearance! Inexcusable!' Misaka angrily rants."

"'Isn't that because we aren't actually that funny...?' questions Misaka."

…

…

"'That shouldn't matter! It's inexcusable!' Misaka asserts."

"No, no... Misaka thinks it matters a lot..."

**Damn It, It's Amazing!**

"'In any case, there are a few things author-san wanted to convey through Misaka' says Misaka getting down to business."

"'Ah, so our sudden appearance isn't because author-san ran out of ideas...?' Misaka asks."

"As you should know, author-san had made various predictions about New Testament 2 in previous chapters."

"'But most of those predictions were wrong...' Misaka says bluntly."

"'Even so, author-san would like to make the point that not _everything _was totally wrong,' says Misaka.

"But most of those predictions were wrong...' repeats Misaka."

"'But there are things author-san got right! Isn't that something amazing in itself!' Misaka says excitedly.

"If you say so..."

**Don't Say That...**

"'Regarding New Testament 2, author-san felt happy when Mugino-san told Fremea about Frenda's situation...

Author-san thought that she had too much tact to do that to a child. But apparently author-san was wrong,' says Misaka."

"'Author-san will try to not underestimate you again,' Misaka says, expressing author-san's feelings."

"'Author-san would also like to express joy at Accelerator being able to exchange cell phone numbers properly with others...

It was under author-san's impression that he would be too socially awkward to do such a thing,' Misaka says while not being angry about being left out for ten chapters."

"'On an unrelated note, 'To Aru Super SS' is recruiting a new author,' says Misaka."

**Wa!**

"'With that, this segment is over!' Misaka says, enthusiastically raising a clenched fist into the air."

"Huzzah!' Misaka says, duplicating that action."

"..."

"Wa...!"

The first sister changes from a fist to paper.

"Wa...!"

In reaction, the second sister goes to scissors.

**Golden Opprotunity**

"What's the situation?"

This question came from a magician named Kanzaki Kaori.

"It's risen further than before."

Agnese Sanctis, another magician, answered. On a nearby wall, a video showing a structure floating in the air was displayed,.

"Its altitude is 52,000 kilometers and is heading over Eruasia right now..."

Agnese continued.

"It's length and width are about twenty kilometers...If something like that were to fall from that height, there would be no avoiding the ice age..."

"For convenience sake, we've started calling it 'Radiosonde Cas-"

"Laputa."

...

Kanzaki interrupted her.

"...eh?"

She repeated angrily.

"It's name is Laputa!"

**Colonel *uska Is Proud**

Kanzaki Kaori had just climbed to the very top of Radiosonde Castle.

She stared off towards the distance.

...

And then...

"Look! The people are like trash! AHAHAHA!"

Back on base... her words rung out via communicator.

'_Just get back to work...'_

**Perfect In Every Way**

Accelerator and Hamazura Shiage were speaking across the kotatsu to each other.

"Say, let her lay down somewhere else. This isn't a discussion a kid should take part in."

"Well...you say that, but I'm kind of stuck..."

Leivinia Birdway glanced towards the two as the talked. She was in deep thought...

'_I wonder if anything I'm saying is actually sticking...I really can't expect too much from these two..._

_Well... all this is precautionary anyways. There's no harm in revealing this type of information to them...'_

Suddenly, Hamazura started shouting.

"Obviously, it's Fremea...! Her charm points are her love for blood and gore and her 'essentially' speech tic...! How can you not fall in love with that...!"

_Oi! What the hell did their conversation devolve into...! _

And the white-haired boy blew him off.

"Oh what, is that all? Everything about my shitty brat is a charm point, so I don't see a point in arguing about this."

_Rather... one of them is clearly delusional...!_

**Respective Roles**

"Oi! You two! Cut that ou-!"

As Birdway was making her way towards the two, she was stopped.

"This isn't something you should get involved in."

Kamijou Touma said.

"While I'm not particularly close enough to know who they are or how they've lived their lives up until now...

I'm sure they've endured many hardships as _tsukkomi _type characters."

"It must have been difficult for them. Surely, they must have thought to themselves 'I can play the funny man too!' or 'I want to join in on the gag!'. It's thoughts like these that wear you down and make you think: is it really worth it to play as _tsukkomi_...?

"This is the weight that a _tsukkomi_ has to bear. Being the sole voice of reason and never caving in to nonsense. It is indeed a stressful life."

"So for now, let's just let them play as _boke_."

Kamijou made another comment.

"By the way, in this chapter... I am also a _boke_ charac-"

_No one cares...!_

_And stop with these meta jokes already...!_

**Support Groups**

"'Misaka doesn't know what's going on,' says Misaka as Misaka scratches her head."

"Essentially, me neither..."

Fremea Seivelun was facing off with Last Order.

_Ah, so it's come to this..._

Birdway looked onwards with a blank expression. She glanced towards Hamazura.

He was shouting.

"Fremea! Do your best! You can do it!"

_He's kind of like a parent, isn't he..._

_On the other hand_...

Her glance turned to the other side.

Accelerator and Worst were donning headbands and holding up banners.

"LAST ORDER! L * O * V * E ! L * O * V * E !"

**Going Easy**

"'Misaka doesn't like violence, so please go easy on Misaka,' says Misaka as Misaka bows graciously."

"Essentially, I would also like to express-"

Last Order grabbed onto Fremea's leg as she spoke.

"_Misakaaa..."_

And then...

"BWAAA-!"

"DRAGON SCREW!"

As Last Order pulled and twisted on Fremea's leg, Fremea spun horizontally and hit the ground head first.

**Who She Takes After**

Fremea was struggling on the floor.

"'Hmm? Is it over already...? Misaka was hoping we could play some more... but maybe Misaka overestimated you..."

Last Order's eyes had darkened.

"'Should Misaka finish you off?' Misaka wonders as Misaka smiles effortlessly."

"H-Hey! That kid! There's something wro-"

Birdway was then interrupted.

"LAST ORDER! FINISH HER!"

"ONEE-CHAN'S SO COOL! KYAA~!"

"..."

**Playing**

"THUNDER POWERBOMB!"

"ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP!"

"MISAKA SCREWDRIVER!"

"Oi! This is getting kind of out of hand!"

Birdway was now speaking with Hamazura.

"Huh? They're just playing, aren't they?"

_You call this 'play'...! This is homicide...! Do you want me to 'play' with you as well...!_

**In Bad Taste**

After enduring sever punishment, Fremea shakily got back to her feet.

_She's standing up...!_

Fremea started speaking.

"I'm sorry onee-chan, but it looks like I'll essentially have to use _that _move..."

Fremea looked onwards decisively.

"The Frenda Backbreaker-!"

"DON'T USE THAT MOOOOVE!"

Birdway shouted.

"I DON'T QUITE GET IT MYSELF, BUT YOU DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T USE IT!"

**Turn Around**

Fremea was climbing onto the kotatsu.

"'Turning your back on Misaka now? If you want to die that badly, Misaka will-

Fremea turned around and prepared for a jump.

"Turn you into such a lovely piece of art that you'll end up with a Guinness Worl-"

…!

Last Order's words were cut short as Fremea did a front flip...

And landed with her legs wrapped around Last Orders neck...

And then used the momentum to slam the frail girl into the ground.

**I Got Carried Away**

Last Order trembled as she struggled to stand up.

"'E-Excellent, excellent. Th-That was great! Th-That was wonderful! N-Now you've done it,' Misaka says as..."

She paused.

"Misaka says..."

Her eyes started watering.

"..."

And then...

"_A...A...Auuuuu~"_

"You fucking brat! Look what you've done!"

"You said you'd go easy on her! Misaka heard you say it!"

Fremea bowed down.

"Essentially, I am sorry."

Birdway stared at the scene blankly.

_Why are you apologizing..._

**Let's Be Friends!**

After everything was said and done, Leivinia Birdway watched as Fremea Seivelun and Last Order played a side-scroller shooting game on a game console together.

_Despite all that's happened, those two seem to be getting along nicely..._

"Hey, you guys mind if I play?"

"'Oka~y!', says Misaka as Misaka hands over the controller."

On the title select screen, several difficulty options were shown.

Birdway chose the least difficult option.

…

"'Eeeeh? Reeeally? Easy Moooode? How laaaame!' Misaka says as Misaka hides her laughter."

Both Last Order and Fremea's eyes glazed over.

"It's essentially unforgivable to play in Easy Mode... unless you're an elementary school kid, riiiight?"

_These fucking brats..._

**Family Name**

A certain electrifying esper was sitting at her desk with a pencil at hand.

Absentmindedly, she started writing something down on a piece of paper...

...

[ Kamijou Mi-]

...

But then stopped due to embarrassment.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**: This chapter is just has one long arc. Next chapter will probably be about Halloween, somewhat. Remember, this is meant to be humor, so please don't take it seriously.

**She Doesn't Want It**

Last Order approached Yoshikawa Kikyou as she was typing away on her computer.

"'Misaka thinks you've been working too hard. Maybe it's time to take a break?' says Misaka as Misaka offers a drink."

She grinned while holding out a *ountain Dew for the researcher.

"Ah, thank you Last Order."

Smiling back at her, Yoshikawa grabbed the soda...

And smashed it against the wall.

"..."

Yoshikawa went back to her computer as the little girl stood in shock.

"**Not It"**

Yomikawa Aiho, Last Order, and Worst were sitting around a table. They were discussing the actions of a certain researcher.

"'Misaka thinks there might be something wrong her,' says Misaka as Misaka starts the topic."

"You too? Actually, I've been noticing something as well."

Yomikawa remarked.

"You see, Kikyou's been on her phone a lot lately. She keeps on talking about an 'Organization' and some conspiracy... but for some reason, I don't think there's anyone on the other line..."

"Misaka doesn't care about all that. Misaka just wants her to stop making gel-bananas every time it's her turn to make dinner."

"'Hmm..."

Last Order crossed her arms and nodded.

"'Something definitely should be done about this!' says Misaka as Misaka concludes."

"..."

Elsewhere, Accelerator sensed an ominous feeling.

"_A burden is going to be passed on to me...!"_

**By Now, You Should Know Where I'm Going With This**

"Oi. Yoshikawa."

"Did you need something, Accelerator?"

The white-haired esper spoke mechanically.

"Right now, there are people worrying about you."

"...and while there are people that care about you, you should try your best not to trouble them..."

"...is what I'm supposed to say, but honestly I don't give a fuck."

The researcher turned away from her computer to give him a smile.

"That's good to hear."

…

And then...

"Say, Accelerator, can I borrow your cell phone for a moment?"

**Rukako Syndrome**

Inside a certain restaurant...

Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage stared off with deadpan expressions.

The white-haired level 5 was wearing a girl's uniform.

…

"Accelerator... those clothes..."

Kamijou started to say something, but Hamazura touched his shoulder.

"I'll handle this."

The dropout took control of the situation.

"You've..."

"You've increased your skirt length again, haven't you...!"

"Where the fuck are you looking, you piece of shit."

_Eh...! 'Again'...! You mean he's done this before...!_

**Hobby**

Kamijou seized control of the situation again.

"Well, taking that aside, I never knew you had this type of hobby... but don't worry, Kamijou Touma isn't the type of person that judges people based on their preferences."

"...hobby?"

Both Hamazura and the white-haired esper seemed to be confused.

"Well, you know, it's 'cross-dressing' after all."

"...cross-dressing?"

"Since he's a guy."

…

The white-haired esper seemed to be shaken.

"_... I... I see... with this androgynous body of mine, I suppose it'd be impossible to tell..._"

_W-Wait, what's up with this reaction...!_

**Gel-Banana**

Hamazura took Kamijou to the side

"Hey boss, that isn't nice."

"No, no, no! He's a guy! He really is! I'm sure of it!"

Kamijou got behind of the white-haired esper and grabbed her.

"Look!"

He then started grasping for something that wasn't there.

"Huh...! What...! It's not there...!"

And due to the effects of his Imagine Breaker, the white-haired girl melted like butter in the boy's embrace.

"_A-Ah~..._"

**Exactly What It Looks Like**

"Maybe...! Maybe I should dig deeper...!"

Kamijou Touma was getting confused.

And in a sudden turn of events...

"Touma..."

The boy's gaze rose up to see Index, Misaka Mikoto, Kanzaki Kaori, Kazakiri Hyouka, Whats-her-face, ect...

"...uh, this isn't...! I was just...! He's actually a guy, you know...!"

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

Since this is a gag 4-koma/fanfic, the last panel cannot be seen due to its graphic nature.

**Discrimination**

While drinking a cup of coffee, Yoshikawa saw a white-haired girl walk into her apartment. She did a spit take.

"Accelerator! You're covered in blood!"

Naturally, as a member of anti-skill, she was distressed.

"It's fine. It's not mine."

Behind her, Hamazura was carrying an unconscious Kamijou on his back.

"Hang in there, damn it...! Just a few more minutes...!"

…

"Ah, that's good then."

The member of anti-skill continued drinking out of her mug.

"By the way, could you patch him up for me?"

"Eh? That's such a pain. Ask Kikyou to do it."

**Visitors**

The two level 0's were sitting on the couch of Yomikawa's apartment.

Kamijou was in deep thought.

_This is weird. I was certain Accelerator was a guy, but everyone seems to remember otherwise..._

_Maybe I should ask around a bit more to figure this out..._

He glanced towards the two Sisters huddling in the corner of the room.

"Look! Look! The honor student brought home two guys! Misaka never thought she was this type of person!

"No! Misaka refuses to believe it! She's pure! Pure! Misaka declares as Misaka rejects reality!"

_Or maybe I should just keep quiet._

**How About: Why Are You Microwaving Bananas?**

"Yo! You guys are hungry, right?"

Yomikawa popped her head out.

"There's some fruit on the table, so you can snack on that for awhile."

The two boys looked at the fruit.

_What the hell is that...!_

"Oh shoot, Kikyou must've set the microwave/phone setting to 'time machine' again."

_There's so much wrong with that last statement, I don't even know where to begin...!_

**No Regrets**

Out of curiosity, Kamijou Touma and Hamazura Shiage were chekcing out the microwave/phone. Yoshikawa was supervising.

"So this thing sends text messages into the past, huh...?"

Hamazura seemed excited.

"Would you like to try it out?"

Not backing down, he took the cell phone attached to the cell phone. Typing a message on the phone, he addressed it to himself.

[ Do your best. ]

"There! If I send this, I wonder if I'll become a bit more heroic."

Without saying much more, he sent the text with a burst of electricity.

**Beyond The 1% Barrier**

All of a sudden, Kamijou's world spun. Regaining his senses, he found that he was still standing in front of the microwave/phone.

"Whoa... what was that..."

He muttered to himself while grabbing his forehead.

"So this thing basically sends text messages into the past, huh...?"

He heard someone speaking right next to him.

"Would you like to try it out?"

Yoshikawa was speaking with a girl with blonde hair.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU...!"

"Huh...? Um... basically, I am me... right?"

**He's Become A Hero!**

"Hama... Oh! Hamazura! Yeah, the guy Mugino basically cut in half! How could I forget?"

The girl in the beret continued.

"ITEM basically always goes around making fun of him, saying how half-assed he was and how he got cut down to size. Ha ha, how humiliating!"

"Say, why are you bringing him up all of a sudden?"

Kamijou had turned pale.

"N...No reason..."

He turned to the researcher.

"Can I... use your microwave/phone for a moment...?"

**There And Back Again**

Kamijou input a message.

[ DON'T DO YOUR BEST! WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW, RUN AWAY! ]

The boy's world spun.

And then...

"Huh? Did it work? I can't tell..."

Hamazura was inspecting the microwave.

_So that's how it works... And it's probably the same with Accelerator too..._

"I guess I'll send another tex-"

"DON'T."

**Cliffhanngggg-**

Kamijou Touma was speaking to Yoshikawa Aiho.

"I need to borrow your microwave/phone again."

"...'again'?"

The researcher seemed a bit confused, but then...

"Ah, I see. You're that 'imagine breaker' boy I've been hearing about."

She gave a soft smile.

"Right then, right then... I'll let you use it."

As Kamijou was about to step forward, she continued.

"But, under one condition."

…

"Please go out with Accelerator."

"EHHHH!"

The scene pans up to the sky.

**And Then It Ends**

Two Misaka sisters were sitting on a bench.

"'That's a terrible way to end a chapter! Everyone who does this should be ashamed and feel bad for doing this! It's awful! Just plain awful!' Misaka angrily rants!"

"'Misaka would like to let the viewers know that the author will not continue this arc in the next chapter,' Misaka apologizes."

The second sister continued speaking.

"'Also, if anyone's caught on (and you should have caught on), yes, this chapter completely ripped off a certain popular series. For various reasons, the author cannot disclose what the series is, but the author is a fan of it and is excited for its upcoming movie,' says Misaka."

"'To Aru Majutsu no Index is also getting a movie!' reminds Misaka!"

"'Yeah, but it probably won't be that good."

…

The first sister then noticed something about the second sister.

"'Say, where did you acquire that hairpin?' asks Misaka."

The second sister blushed slightly.

"'Huh? This...? Well... it's..."

The scene pans up to the sky.

[To be continued. ]

"EHHHHH!"


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** So after 16 chapters, I've apparently reached a milestone of some sort. To everyone who has put up with my sub-par half-assed writings so far, I want to say thank you for supporting me in my efforts. This fic probably would have died a long time ago if not for that.

That said, I'm thinking I'll do something special for the 100th reviewer. I haven't thought much about it, and it may end up being something lame, but I'm thinking I'll figure something out later.

And as usual, an average chapter of sub-par quality.

**And Then It Continues...!**

The two Misaka sisters were confronting each other on the rooftop.

The second sister had a lonesome expression, and she couldn't bear to gaze into the first sister's eyes any longer. She shifted her glance to the setting sun and reached out her hand to touch the wired fence near the edge of the building.

"This hairpin... The truth is... "

The first sister swallowed. Whether she was prepared for this or not, she didn't know, but what was to come would hit her like an oncoming train. She listened intently to what the second sister had to say.

"The truth is..."

A soft breeze blew overhead, carrying the leaves of autumn. And along with that, hope and despair. This... was the turning point.

…

"It's..."

"A secret."

"'How anti-climatic,' remarks Misaka."

"'Actually, Misaka found it on the floor,' Misaka states."

"That's disgusting. Throw it away."

**It Was Intentional, Really**

"'And thus ends Misaka Theater', says Misaka as she reveals that the whole event was imaginary."

"'Huh...? We've been sitting on this bench this whole time...?' Misaka realizes."

"'In any case, Misaka would like to apologize for the typos in the last chapter...' Misaka says bowing her head down."

"Typos...?"

The second sister nodded.

"'Yes, such as the sentence: _Not backing down, he took the cell phone attached to the cell phone_' clarifies Misaka."

"'That's not a typo. The cell phone attached to a cell phone is a device that can make calls while you make calls,' explains Misaka, 'Misaka hears that it was invented by a rapper."

"..."

The second sister gave out another example.

"Then... when the author called Yoshikawa Kikyou 'Yoshikawa Aiho'...' says Misaka."

"That was..."

The first sister blushed.

"The choice of ******;Gate,' explains Misaka."

"It's still a typo though."

**If It's The Former, He's Not A Very Good One**

Yomikawa, Yoshikawa, Last Order, and Worst were observing Accelerator from afar.

"..."

"_Hrmm_..."

"..."

He was starting to get annoyed.

…

Yomikawa muttered.

"Maybe... a mime...? Or a zeb-"

"I'm not wearing a fucking costume."

**Infection**

Kamijou Touma was watching the news.

[ "This just in..." ]

[ "A sudden epidemic has surfaced in the world's largest cities..." ]

"_Tou... maaa..."_

"Huh? Index? What is it?"

The boy failed to notice a certain undead girl that was dragging her feet towards him.

"_Hun... gryyy..."_

[ "...as it is very dangerous outside, we ask that you remain in your homes if at all possible..." ]

"Hungry again? Heh, even in times like these, you're stomach is still a black hole. Hahaha."

[ "...please lock all windows and doors to your homes, and if possible, block them off. If you are not in your home..." ]

"_Fooood..._"

_Chomp!_

"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh-"

And so, not much really changed at the Kamijou household...

**The Normal Reaction**

_SLAM!_

Hamazura Shiage, Hattori Hanzou, and Kuruwa shut themselves inside a mansion in an effort to escape the oncoming hordes of the living dead.

Finally having a moment to catch his breath, Hamazura dropped to his knees.

"God damn it! I don't understand anything right now!"

He pounded his fist onto the floor.

"Takitsubo! Kinuhata! Even Mugino! What the hell's going on...!"

"Just how the hell did this happen...!"

To the side, Hattori and Kuruwa were speaking behind his back.

"Ah, look at that. Hamazura-shi's becoming sentimental. Is this a death flag?"

"Shh! It must be really embarrassing for him to say those lines, you know."

"..."

**Biological Hazard**

The three of them took a look around the building. Hattori Hanzou spoke.

"Wow! What a mansion!"

And at that, Kuruwa awkwardly turned towards Hamazura.

"Here Hamazura-shi, take this weapon. It's really powerful, especially against living things."

"..."

She then handed him something else.

"Also, here's a lockpick. It might come in handy if you, the master of unlocking, take it with you."

...

"...right."

"Let's split up and search for search for supplies! Remember! Stay alert!"

As the two left, Hamazura had a blank expression.

"..."

_I don't like where this is going..._

**Blue Wraith**

Hamazura opened a door leading to a dark room. Inside, there was a television with a blu-ray player.

"What's this... it's on...?"

He looked at the small light the player was emitting.

He joked to himself.

_Maybe it's haunted. Ah ha ha..._

Instinctively, he pressed the on button for the television.

…

Onscreen, a black and white video of a well was displayed.

"..."

**Game**

"The T.V's not turning off. Ah ha ha..."

Hamazura was in the process of breaking.

Onscreen, a pair of hands was seen coming out of the well.

"The blu-ray player's not turning off either. Ah ha ha..."

A girl with black hair was struggling to get out.

He then changed the channel.

This time, there was a grainy video of a doll.

"_Would you like to play a-"_

_Crash!_

"AS IF THAT'S ANY FUCKING BETTER...!"

And then the television set was thrown out the window.

**Ghost**

Hamazura was heaving.

"_Is it... Is it over?"_

He felt chills run down his spine as he felt someone breathing down the back of his neck.

"_It's not nice to wreck other people's homes..._"

In a panic, Hamazura quickly turned around.

"Wh-Who's there...!"

"Umm... I'm right in front of-"

"Show yourself damn it...!"

"As I said, I'm right in front of you..."

**Would You Like To Try Dying Once?**

"Huh? A shrine priestess...?"

Calming down, Hamazura became confused at the sudden arrival of another person.

"Exorcising a spirit in such a way... I didn't know such a rash method existed..."

She said, referring to the television set.

"Though truthfully, that wasn't an evil spirit... it was a video of me on my summer break."

_What the hell...!_

"Seems like the cursed blu-ray is still intact though..."

The girl popped the disk out of its player.

_Huh...!-? Even then, it's still cursed...!-?_

"I should mention... if you watched the video, you'll have to show it 10 other people within 7 days... otherwise I won't become your friend..."

_That's just spam, isn't it...!_

**Late Introductions**

"Ah, that's right..."

The miko did a bow.

"My name is Himegami Aisa... Nice to meet you..."

Hamazura did likewise.

"...Hamazura Shiage."

The girl popped her head up. For some reason, there was a twinkle in her eye.

"Actually... continuity aside... I made an appearance in the last chapter. The author just didn't mention it."

"Is that so..."

Uncomfortably, Hamazura scratched the back of his head.

"Say, Himegame...-san. How'd you get in here?"

"...the back door was wide open, so I thought I'd stop by..."

…

"Back door...?"

Behind Hamazura, a zombified Hattori Hanzou and Kuruwa appeared.

**Bad End**

"...this doesn't seem good. I think I should be going..."

Himegami faded into obscurity.

"Where the hell do you think you're going...!"

And then...

Hamazura felt another presence.

"What? Hamazura's still alive? How super annoying!"

"Hmm? How about we change that then?"

"Hamazura... don't worry... it won't hurt..."

The boy turned to face his new enemy.

"...eh?"

And so, even after death, Hamazura suffers as a gopher.

"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

**Epilogue**

Text hovered over Hamazura's corpse. It read:

[ You Died ]

The scene backed up, revealing itself to be a part of a television screen.

At the other end...

Fremea Seivelun was holding a game controller.

"..."

She stared blankly.

…

Popping the copy of "Blood and Destroy" out of the console...

She proceeded to fling it out the window.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**: An overdue chapter about New Testament 2 with a few others shorts. While it's meant to be funny, please don't expect too much...

**Frenda'd**

Takitsubo Rikou, Kinuhata Saiai, and Fremea Seivelun were all sitting down on portable chairs.

In front of them, Hamazura Shiage was laying down inside a box. His head stuck out at one end, and his feet stuck out the other. Mugino Shizuri was holding a saw.

"Wh-What's the meaning of this...!"

Hamazura stuttered.

"Fremea-chan wanted to see a magic show. So I thought I'd give her one."

Mugino held the saw close to her smiling lips.

"E-Eh...?"

"Don't worry Hamazura. For this trick, I've got a pretty good track recor-"

"NO YOU DON'T!"

**NT2 Explanations I**

A mob of angry girls was rioting outside of Kamijou's apartment.

"Whaaat! What do you mean we can't stay up there...!"

"Let us in, damn it...!"

The girls were heckling Mark Space, who stood in front of them on a soapbox.

"Well, frankly, it's impossible-"

"Stop getting in our way, bastard...!"

"...due to weight constraints. The room wasn't meant to hold so many people at one time."

He continued.

"But, practically speaking, we should be able to fit in the lighter half of the group. So if you just allow us to weigh-"

"Tch! You win this round, foreigner!"

Various girls started fleeing from the scene.

"..."

**NT2 Explanations II**

"Hey..."

Hamazura Shiage was trying to get the attention of a seemingly drunken spiky-haired boy. He was making bird calls towards an unfortunately named person.

Kamijou turned around.

"Yo 'Zura! Wha' s'matter...? You _-hic- _need somethin'...?"

"I really hate to break this to you, but.."

Kamijou aimlessly stared as Hamazura came clean.

"You've been drinking tea this whole time."

...

Kamijou instantaneously sobered up.

"Eh...?"

His expression changed from confusion to horror within a second.

"EHHHH...?"

**NT2 Explanations III**

Kamijou Touma looked into the fridge of his apartment.

"There isn't any chili sauce in here. It looks like it's been licked clean."

He remarked.

Mark Space appeared behind him.

"Don't worry about it. I've prepared for this."

He opened his overcoat revealing a spice rack and small vine garden of peppers.

"..."

_Exactly... what were you prepared for..._

**Armed And Dangerous**

After trying to attack Kamijou Touma in the bathroom, the tables had turned on Kuroyoru Umidori as the boy started going on the offensive.

"Hey, the left arm isn't going back in..."

"Ow, ow, ow! S-Stop that!"

From outside the bathroom door, everyone else could hear what was going on inside...

"Ahh! S-Stop grinding it there...! It fucking hurts...! It really fucking hurts...!"

"Then should I just jam it in?"

"Are you and idiot?-! No, wait! Don't shove it that hole...!"

"But it really seems like I should."

"Ow! Ow! S-Stop it! Y-You'll end up breaking me! J-Just how are you going to take responsibility if you break me!"

Outside, everyone had the same expression...

"..."

**A Farewell To Arms**

"I think something went wrong..."

Kuroyoru stood completely armless.

_How the hell did this happen...!_

"Oi, what's going on-"

Hamazura Shiage and Accelerator opened the door to the bathroom just in time to see the scene.

"..."

_Humans are really scary, aren't they? Is this how cruel humans can be...?_

_I get it now... So this is what it means to fight to protect..._

They each had their own reaction.

"Oi."

**Needing A Hand**

"Well, looks like the break's over."

"Just get the fuck out already!"

Kuroyoru shouted.

After Kamijou left, the cyborg heaved a sigh.

"Finally, I can-"

And then it occurred to her.

"..."

Both her hands were on the floor.

She wouldn't be able to put them back in their original sockets without help.

"..."

In despair, Kuroyoru tried to get on her hands and knees, but ended up headbutting the ground instead.

**Helping Hands**

"Little girl...! Little girl...!"

Kuroyoru was quietly calling out to Fremea Seivelun who seemed to be doing nothing.

"Come here for a second...! I need you to-"

The hot bottled water girl grabbed both her prosthetic arms and ran away.

_What the-!_

She watched as Fremea and Birdway began practicing swordplay with her disjointed limbs.

"..."

**I Didn't Ask For This**

The curtains were drawn for the bathtub. Inside, Kuroyoru Umidori was in despair. She sat with her head between her legs

_How could I... the new darkness of Academy City... be turned into such a joke...!_

It almost seemed like she was on the verge of crying.

_It's all his fault, isn't it...? If he hadn't appeared, then...! Everything would've worked out as planned...! Damn it...! Damn it...! Damn it...!_

_I feel so humiliated...!_

...but after a moment, she calmed down.

_But... he did give me a sandwich..._

…

Propping herself to her feet, she used her mouth to undraw the curtains.

_I wonder if it's still there..._

"..."

Kuroyoru's and Kamijou's eyes met. The boy was hovering over the toilet with his pants undone.

"..."

_Crack!_

And that was the sound of a foot caving into the unfortunate boy's skull.

Eventually, Kuroyoru got her arms back.

**Hand-In-Hand**

Kamijou Touma, Index, and Kuroyoru Umidori stood in front of the bathroom mirror.

At the same time, they brushed their teeth...

They gargled...

They spit...

Kamijou noticed Kuroyoru reading a newspaper in the bathtub.

"You seem to be making yourself at home."

"Shut the fuck up."

**Subtlety**

Kamijou Touma was in deep thought.

_So my next destination is Hawaii, huh?_

Tsuchimikado Motoharu was in the background.

_I should bring with me someone who knows the area..._

Tsuchimikado was standing closer.

_It'd be good if it's someone I know closely as well..._

Tsuchimikado was standing directly behind him.

Kamijou looked behind.

"..."

"Yo."

**Subtlety II**

"I heard you were going to Hawaii, Kami-yan."

"..."

"..."

"Say, is it possible that-"

Tsuchimikado rips off his school clothes revealing his Hawaiian shirt and short pants.

"I'm ready."

**Forgetting Someone *Spoilers?***

Kamijou Touma was taking roll call.

"Okay, so is everyone in my group here?"

He started counting heads.

"Mikoto... Accelerator... Hamazura... Worst... Kuroyoru..."

…

He thought to himself.

"...it seems like I'm missing someone..."

…!

And as if realizing his own mistake, his eyes widened.

"That's right! I feel like an idiot! If we're going to Hawaii, I'd have to invite him!"

Kamijou got on his phone and made a call.

"Hey! Get over here! And make sure you bring a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses..."

The boy cracked a smile.

"Mr. President...!"

The older man on the other end bellowed out and crushed the phone within his hands.

"FUCK YEAH!"


	19. Chapter 19: Finale

**A/N**: It's been a long run. Thank you for reading this far.

**Farewell To Arms (Cont...)**

Kamijou Touma was speaking with Kuroyoru Umidori in the bathroom.

"Being a cyborg sure seems convenient..."

He mused.

"Oi. Do you know what the lifespan of precision equipment is? You'll be lucky if it lasts three years. Do you really want a body that requires surgery that often?"

"..."

The boy seemed to be thinking.

"Well, if it's surgery, I pretty much get an operation every other week, so three years doesn't seem that bad..."

_...Eh?_

"...And if I could just reattach my arms like you do, I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of growing it back every time I lose one."

Kuroyoru did a spit take.

**Hands-On/Hands Off**

"W-What the-! That last part! Did you fucking stutter or something...!"

"No."

"..."

"..."

While blankly staring, Kamijou suddenly became alarmed.

"Wait, you mean that's not normal...?"

_No shit it's not normal...!_

**Handyman**

With an odd sound, Kamijou Touma removed his right arm in front of the girl.

_Pop!_

And an instance later, the boy grew it back.

…

…

…

In the middle of the night, a sleepy Index entered the bathroom. She noticed Kuroyoru in the bathtub trembling in fear.

"...what is it? Did you have a nightmare?

She asked.

The Freshman replied.

"_God. I hope so."_

**Accelerator's Perfect English Class**

A white-haired boy had a deadpan expression.

"Why the fuck are you here..."

Standing in front of him was Hamazura Shiage.

"I... thought it might be good to brush up on some English before going to America..."

"And you're like that smartest person I know so..."

The boy looked to the side with a forced smile.

Accelerator then turned to Kamijou Touma.

"And you...?"

"Well... it's true that there are others who could tutor me in English but..."

Briefly, he imagined Birdway and Index saying the phrase 'Touma is a baka' to him in English over and over...

"Something like that is definitely bound to happen..."

"I see."

Accelerator then turned to face a group consisting of Misaka Mikoto, Kuroyoru Umidori, Worst, and the President of the United States.

"And them...?"

They had all felt left out.

**You Speak English In America**

The white-haired boy sighed in front of his classroom.

"Alright..."

He began with a dead expression.

"For starters, let's hit on some basic phrases..."

"Repeat after me... [ This is a pen ] ."

"...!"

Worst stood up.

"To think Tou-chan would make us say something so dirty...!"

"That's not what it means and you know it."

"**[ In America, English Speaks You ]"**

Hamazura:

" [ Thssss... pnnn... ] "

"You're mumbling too much."

Kuroyoru:

" [ Yes, it is. ] "

"You're suppose to repeat it."

Kamijou:

" [ This is a fukou da. ] ( I haven't said my catchphrase in awhile.) "

"You're starting to piss me off."

Worst:

"[ This is my peni- ] "

"Stop right there."

**She Knows English Too!**

" [ This is a pen. ] "

The President of the United States gave the white-haired boy a thumbs-up.

"..."

Staring blankly...

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave...( Rather, don't you have more important things to do than learn English here? )"

Then suddenly, from the background...

Saten Ruiko appears!

" [ Fuck your asshole! He stays! ] "

" [ Hell yeah muthafucka'! ] "

The two of them high-fived.

"_...Both of you, leave right now."_

**Practicing English With Others**

Having enough of this, the white-haired boy stated plainly.

"Alright, self-study time. Pair up and do whatever..."

Misaka Mikoto stood up from her chair. Decidedly, she raised a clenched fist to her chest.

_I may not quite understand the situation right now..._

_But this is my chance...!_

In the background, Hamazura and Worst paired up.

( "[ Hello. ]" )

(" [ Take off your pants. ] " )

_That's right...! Back on the that iron bridge I made a promise..._

_This time, you aren't alone...!_

Misaka Mikoto looked towards the unfortunate boy...

(" [ What is your name. ] " )

( " [ I am very happy. ] " )

He was already paired up with Kuroyoru.

_Why isn't he alone...!_

**Odds**

Misaka Mikoto froze in her tracks.

" [ Little girl. Would you like to partner up? ] "

There was a glint in the President's teeth as he smiled at her.

…

"I... I think I'm fine..."

" [ Okey dokey! ] "

The President walked into the background, where he met up with Saten.

They both high-fived.

…

…

And then suddenly...

Within a group of people...

She found herself alone.

**Left Out**

She watched as Kamijou and Kuroyoru speak to each other with some slight difficulty...

It appeared that they were trying to help each other out whenever there was something a little off with their conversation.

…

She watched as Hamazura and Worst converse in confusion...

It appeared that Hamazura was slowly starting to realize what Worst was actually saying.

…

She watched as the President and Saten had a very odd conversation...

While not understanding it herself, it appeared that they, for the most part, were having fun either way.

…

…

…

Without anyone noticing...

The girl slipped out of the room.

**Lonesome People**

Outside, the electrifying esper was sitting on the floor.

_What is this..._

She was lost in thought.

_In the end, the one who's alone is me, isn't it..._

The girl looked down and let her bangs cover her eyes.

_Why..._

_Why did I even come here..._

"..."

…

And then she noticed.

"[ How are you? ]"

**Speaking English By Yourself**

"..."

…

The girl bit her lip.

"Shut up. Don't talk to me."

…

"I'm brushing up on my English. If you don't like it, go somewhere else."

While leaning against the wall, the boy took a drink out of his canned coffee.

"..."

"..."

He let out a breath.

" [ You... ]"

**Speaking...**

" [ You're such an idiot... ] "

The girl dug her face into her knees as the boy spoke to no one in particular.

" [ Thinking that people will come to you because you're special... ] "

…

" [ Or thinking that people won't come because you're _too _special...] "

…

" [ Could it be that you've become so stupid, you've become blind? ] "

…

" [ You should be able to see it yourself... ]"

…

" [ You're not alone. ]"

At this, she raised her head.

" [ They're just waiting for you to call out to them. ] "

**From The Heart**

"..."

The girl looked up at the white-haired boy.

" [ You should go. Everyone is worried about you. ] "

"..."

Somehow... she found the strength to stand back up...

…

"..."

But...

Before going...

"I..."

…

She stopped herself...

"..."

But then opened her mouth again...

To speak with no one in particular...

…

"[ Thank you. ]"

…

The girl ran off.

_**Finale**_

…

"..."

The boy finished off his canned coffee.

…

_I should probably head back as well..._

…

Taking one last look into the distance...

…

He took his first steps.

**And... One More...**


	20. A Note From The Author 00

"And that..."

Said the Misakas on the bench...

"'Was a dream...!' Misaka exclaims!"

"'A dream within a dream...!' Misaka exclaims!"

"'A dream within a dream inside a video game which is part of a fanfiction about a doujin artist's take of a 4koma based on a light novel series...

Inside a dream...!' Misaka exclaims!"

"'As always, the ending was pretty messy, but the author wanted to end on some sort of resolution' explains Misaka."

…

"Well... that said..."

Both Misaka sisters stood up from their bench.

"Thank you for reading this far."

They both bowed.

Standing straight again...

"'Misaka supposes the only thing left to do is leave,' says Misaka as she stretches her legs.

"'Eh? That seems kind of abrupt...' Misaka says relating to the audience's feelings."

"'Don't worry about it. They know it's the end, so naturally they'll read something else... something funnier,' Misaka replies.

"'O...Okay then..."

Walking away... they both left their bench.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**End.**

**To Aru Super SS Vol I**

**Up Next: II**


End file.
